The Last Friday

The Last Friday is a poetry editing group. Once a month, we post a poem and then offer feedback to the other poems on the Forum. We're a friendly but honest group. We value each other deeply and desire for every poet to be published or become famous.


    July - ON HANDS

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    Velvet F

    Posts : 12
    Join date : 2011-05-22

    July - ON HANDS

    Post  Velvet F on Thu Jul 28, 2011 7:56 pm

    This is an etheree: 10 lines, line number dictates number of syllables in that line.





    ON HANDS



    A

    hand out

    oir hand up

    or helping hand?

    Hand to hand combat,

    handwriting on the wall,

    a left-handed compliment.

    A poor childhood and hand me downs.

    Hired hand does hands on work all day.

    Deal a hand, shake hands, or hand it over!
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    tsukany

    Posts : 592
    Join date : 2011-05-21

    Velvet's Poem#1

    Post  tsukany on Fri Jul 29, 2011 5:13 pm

    Velvet.

    I look forward to messing through this one. I want form poems to work even without the form. What would you do to this poem if you were not bound to the form? Then take that poem and force it back into the etheree.

    Excellent last line.

    Todd
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    tsukany

    Posts : 592
    Join date : 2011-05-21

    here're my dinner thoughts

    Post  tsukany on Fri Jul 29, 2011 5:33 pm

    HANDS

    out
    or up
    for helping?
    -to-hand combat
    -writing on the wall
    left-handed compliment
    third-grade in hand-me-downs. Hir’d
    hand blisters hands-on all day. Deal
    a hand, shake hands, or hand it over!
    Hand the poem to "The Professor." Ouch! (or Jerk or some other appropriate adjective)


    Sorry. Just know that you're better than mine. Smile

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    Guest

    Re: July - ON HANDS

    Post  Guest on Mon Aug 01, 2011 1:21 am

    Velvet F wrote:This is an etheree: 10 lines, line number dictates number of syllables in that line.





    ON HANDS



    A

    hand out

    oir hand up

    or helping hand?

    Hand to hand combat,

    handwriting on the wall,

    a left-handed compliment.

    A poor childhood and hand me downs.

    Hired hand does hands on work all day.

    Deal a hand, shake hands, or hand it over!







    I like this one the way it is. Had you considered "hands on" for the title?

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    Re: July - ON HANDS

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