The Last Friday

The Last Friday is a poetry editing group. Once a month, we post a poem and then offer feedback to the other poems on the Forum. We're a friendly but honest group. We value each other deeply and desire for every poet to be published or become famous.

    Title still applicable?


    Posts : 619
    Join date : 2011-05-21

    Title still applicable?

    Post  tsukany on Fri Jun 28, 2013 6:46 am


    Your brother lied, 
    told you the 60’s 
    and peace would last

    forever.  But you 
    enlisted your snapping 
    jaws, plated shell, 

    trunk-like legs, 
    armored tail, 
    sharpened stink eye.  

    And now you hold post
    outside a white, wooden 
    house too narrow to enter.

    --Sukany 17 June 2013

    Dewell H. Byrd

    Posts : 374
    Join date : 2012-01-05
    Age : 87
    Location : Central Point, OR


    Post  Dewell H. Byrd on Fri Jun 28, 2013 12:31 pm

    It is quite a jump from the title to the poem.. especially the ending   however, too much info in the title might give away the poem's message.  LOVE that opening stanza.  It really grabs the reader.  In our mall, after exercising, we sip and watch people... see a lot of 60s hangers-on... yeah, they may have tried to listen to the Big Brother myth like "war to end all wars".... Last stanza "trapped" feeling seems almost too long compared to first stanza.  Some shrinking might be helpful.  Thanks for sharing, Todd.  -Dewell


    Title does apply

    Post  Dennis20 on Sat Jun 29, 2013 10:32 am

    Todd,  Yes, by all means.  The turtle title sets the stage for this picture. And you have used some powerful words here to firm up the suggestion from the title. Enlisted, sharpened, post are the words to which I refer. They show a strength that the hard shell of the turtle has already formed in our minds eye before we begin to read.  A turtle is not a soft and delicate
    thing so we are looking for hard and rugged which you supply with those words. In another venue they might not convey that picture, but since we have the turtle on our minds....  A very strong picture. Oh, and what I like is that you never had to say "like a turtle" for the reader to make the connection.


    Posts : 671
    Join date : 2011-09-12

    Turtle Whisperer

    Post  Pat on Mon Jul 01, 2013 6:13 pm

    Like Dewell and Dennis, I like all the descriptive words reg. turtle., esp. sharp stink eye.  I go back to horse whisperer, of course. So the horse whisperer directs the turtle? Gives out little bits and pieces toward progress.  Presidents direct military. I think of turtles as OLD and WISE, smart and tough.  Just willing to plow on, sometimes.  Brother is the turtle whisperer?  As in big brother?  He lied about peace.  You believed and did your tour in the service to fight for your country.  Now you hold a guard position outside the White House?   gate too narrow to enter.   Wow!  No one can get in. Talk about feeling duped. To be trained and strong and then to get a little do-nothing job that's numb and neutral.  And I also think of the eye of the needle. . . . camels have to get on knees and crawl to get in.  Multi-layed.  Title works great if I half-way understand it.
    I risk knowing I may be totally off-base.   Oh well, won't be the first time.  Just thoughts that came to me.  Hope there is something here worth your reading.   Pat

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    Re: Title still applicable?

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