The Last Friday

The Last Friday is a poetry editing group. Once a month, we post a poem and then offer feedback to the other poems on the Forum. We're a friendly but honest group. We value each other deeply and desire for every poet to be published or become famous.


    Seasoned for a Contest "I still need help with the 'music' of each line"

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    tsukany

    Posts : 585
    Join date : 2011-05-21

    Seasoned for a Contest "I still need help with the 'music' of each line"

    Post  tsukany on Fri Jul 29, 2011 3:27 pm

    Seasoned for a Contest

    Three tilapia breasts losing battle
    with seven-pepper seasoning, garlic,
    onions, and butter lie freshly plated,
    next to stir-fried rice mixed with more onions,
    garlic, carrots, and olive oil, waiting
    the flaking and the forking. Shoveling
    delight into my mouth, satisfaction
    is supplanted by Kahlua and cream;
    the glass resembles Irish clouds resting
    on Veracruz earth. All that could improve
    this moment is one more double with you.

    Guest
    Guest

    Re: Seasoned for a Contest "I still need help with the 'music' of each line"

    Post  Guest on Wed Aug 03, 2011 2:44 am

    I'm not sure which contest you plan on submitting this to.



    There's a "Walt Whitman Cooks" Poetry Anthology. According to the website, submissions are due on October 31st.



    I thought it might interest you so I've included the link:



    http://www.waltwhitman.org/component/eventlist/details/49



    Wishing you good luck with the contest!

    Guest
    Guest

    Re: Seasoned for a Contest "I still need help with the 'music' of each line"

    Post  Guest on Wed Aug 03, 2011 3:10 am

    Seasoned for a Contest

    Three tilapia breasts losing battle

    When I read "breasts" and "losing battle," I think of breast cancer. It doesn't seem to fit
    with the light-hearted and sometimes sensuous tone of the rest of the poem.

    It's an interesting blend you have concocted with the "Veracruz earth" and "Irish clouds"
    as compared to Kahlua and Cream as though one could taste the landscape in the drink.
    Other than my problem with the first line, I really enjoyed reading this poem.

    with seven-pepper seasoning, garlic,
    onions, and butter lie freshly plated,
    next to stir-fried rice mixed with more onions,
    garlic, carrots, and olive oil, waiting
    the flaking and the forking. Shoveling
    delight into my mouth, satisfaction
    is supplanted by Kahlua and cream;
    the glass resembles Irish clouds resting
    on Veracruz earth. All that could improve
    this moment is one more double with you.

    Velvet F

    Posts : 12
    Join date : 2011-05-22

    Re: Seasoned for a Contest "I still need help with the 'music' of each line"

    Post  Velvet F on Wed Aug 17, 2011 9:57 pm

    Seasoned for a Contest

    Three tilapia breasts losing battle
    with seven-pepper seasoning, garlic,
    onions, and butter lie freshly plated,
    next to stir-fried rice mixed with more onions,
    garlic, carrots, and olive oil, waiting
    the flaking and the forking. Shoveling
    delight into my mouth, satisfaction
    is supplanted by Kahlua and cream;
    the glass resembles Irish clouds resting
    on Veracruz earth. All that could improve
    this moment is one more double with you





    My profuse apologies for the delay. Not enough hours in the day. (That's a poem!)

    I really like this one. Great pictures and I can almost taste it! I think it flows well so your music is good. My only question is "tilapia breast." I eat tilapia frequently and didn't know it came in breasts. Seems like that would be very tiny!

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    Re: Seasoned for a Contest "I still need help with the 'music' of each line"

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