Seasoned for a Contest "I still need help with the 'music' of each line"

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Seasoned for a Contest "I still need help with the 'music' of each line"

Post  tsukany on Fri Jul 29, 2011 3:27 pm

Seasoned for a Contest

Three tilapia breasts losing battle
with seven-pepper seasoning, garlic,
onions, and butter lie freshly plated,
next to stir-fried rice mixed with more onions,
garlic, carrots, and olive oil, waiting
the flaking and the forking. Shoveling
delight into my mouth, satisfaction
is supplanted by Kahlua and cream;
the glass resembles Irish clouds resting
on Veracruz earth. All that could improve
this moment is one more double with you.
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tsukany

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Re: Seasoned for a Contest "I still need help with the 'music' of each line"

Post  Cindy on Wed Aug 03, 2011 2:44 am

I'm not sure which contest you plan on submitting this to.



There's a "Walt Whitman Cooks" Poetry Anthology. According to the website, submissions are due on October 31st.



I thought it might interest you so I've included the link:



http://www.waltwhitman.org/component/eventlist/details/49



Wishing you good luck with the contest!

Cindy

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Re: Seasoned for a Contest "I still need help with the 'music' of each line"

Post  Cindy on Wed Aug 03, 2011 3:10 am

Seasoned for a Contest

Three tilapia breasts losing battle

When I read "breasts" and "losing battle," I think of breast cancer. It doesn't seem to fit
with the light-hearted and sometimes sensuous tone of the rest of the poem.

It's an interesting blend you have concocted with the "Veracruz earth" and "Irish clouds"
as compared to Kahlua and Cream as though one could taste the landscape in the drink.
Other than my problem with the first line, I really enjoyed reading this poem.

with seven-pepper seasoning, garlic,
onions, and butter lie freshly plated,
next to stir-fried rice mixed with more onions,
garlic, carrots, and olive oil, waiting
the flaking and the forking. Shoveling
delight into my mouth, satisfaction
is supplanted by Kahlua and cream;
the glass resembles Irish clouds resting
on Veracruz earth. All that could improve
this moment is one more double with you.

Cindy

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Re: Seasoned for a Contest "I still need help with the 'music' of each line"

Post  Velvet F on Wed Aug 17, 2011 9:57 pm

Seasoned for a Contest

Three tilapia breasts losing battle
with seven-pepper seasoning, garlic,
onions, and butter lie freshly plated,
next to stir-fried rice mixed with more onions,
garlic, carrots, and olive oil, waiting
the flaking and the forking. Shoveling
delight into my mouth, satisfaction
is supplanted by Kahlua and cream;
the glass resembles Irish clouds resting
on Veracruz earth. All that could improve
this moment is one more double with you





My profuse apologies for the delay. Not enough hours in the day. (That's a poem!)

I really like this one. Great pictures and I can almost taste it! I think it flows well so your music is good. My only question is "tilapia breast." I eat tilapia frequently and didn't know it came in breasts. Seems like that would be very tiny!

Velvet F

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Re: Seasoned for a Contest "I still need help with the 'music' of each line"

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