The Last Friday

The Last Friday is a poetry editing group. Once a month, we post a poem and then offer feedback to the other poems on the Forum. We're a friendly but honest group. We value each other deeply and desire for every poet to be published or become famous.


    Is the title sufficient for the poem-- comments welcome

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    dennis20
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    Is the title sufficient for the poem-- comments welcome

    Post  dennis20 on Fri Aug 30, 2013 10:26 pm

    Petit Jean

    When one is young, the constant dream is love
    and, only to that end, would she relent
    to cabin boy status and guarantee
    her passage on a ship of men.  She chose
    to hide her gentle side, her womanhood.
    She saw her love at night against the rail
    beneath the moon where stars brought tears and hurt
    but words and thoughts she cast upon the winds
    that swept their sails.  At night, she found the bed
    and pillow for her head a companion
    of heart and soul.  By day, she saw the maps
    and charts the captain used.  She knew their course
    and things that some could not.  When one is young,
    the constant dream will sacrificed for love.
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    tsukany

    Posts : 605
    Join date : 2011-05-21

    Yup...you're going to need a clue inside the poem to alert the non-AR reader

    Post  tsukany on Sat Aug 31, 2013 11:18 am

    It is a much more enjoyable offering once that background is discovered. (BTW Dewell and Dennis...I missed the "French" memo for this month )  I have a couple punctuation additions in the poem below:

    Petit Jean

    When one is young, the constant dream is love
    and, only to that end, would she relent 
    to cabin-boy status and guarantee 
    her passage on a ship of men.  She chose
    to hide her gentle side, her womanhood.
    She saw her love at night against the rail
    beneath the (Mississippi River) moon where stars brought tears and hurt
    but words and thoughts she cast upon the winds
    that swept their sails.  At night, she found the bed
    and pillow for her head, a companion 
    of heart and soul.  By day, she saw the maps 
    and charts the captain used.  She knew their course
    and things that some could not.  When one is young, 
    the constant dream will sacrificed for love.

    Dewell H. Byrd

    Posts : 363
    Join date : 2012-01-05
    Age : 87
    Location : Central Point, OR

    Dennis... Title... Petit Jean

    Post  Dewell H. Byrd on Sat Aug 31, 2013 1:12 pm

    Your poem brought a flood of memories for me... Elsa didn't find it interesting other than a simple undisclosed love poem.  My sister, Betty Jean, was born on Petit Jean Mountain in 1935... Dad & my brother Ted were working for CCC building retaining walls, fireplace in the lodge, etc then we moved to Arizona.  The reader definitely needs more info... background, to appreciate the poem.  An intro stanza?  Elsa and I visited there in 2007.  What a view!  Dewell

    Pat

    Posts : 648
    Join date : 2011-09-12

    So you wrote a sonnet

    Post  Pat on Sat Aug 31, 2013 6:24 pm

    about Petit Jean.   Dennis, did you also use Petit Jean State Park as "your" park for Sybil Nash Abrams?   If so, there are two of us. . . . at least 2 of us!  Maybe 10 of us!   Who knows.   : )   So, I'm up and fresh on the research of Petit Jean Mountain.   Great that you used the material to also write a sonnet.  Or is your SNA a series of sonnets?!  That would be clever.  I counted your lines and syllables to be sure that this is a sonnet.  Dennis, it even looks like a sonnet:  no lines in between, single spaced.  HOW did you do that?  Honestly, Dewell and I need to know how you did that.  I've tried everything I can think of:  nothing works for me.  Now, back to the poem:  I have never written a sonnet, so I feel inept about saying a word.  I understood everything you wrote, but then I know the story and it is recent with me.  I like the contrasts:  at night, by day;  also enjoyed the words and thoughts vs heart and soul.  I am a sucker for contrasts.   Do you mean sacrifice or sacrificed in last line?  Simple, but I read it with the history still in my head.  I think the title fits this poem because that is what the sailors and captain knew her by. She is young, impetuous and in love, willing to risk everything to be with her sweetheart.    Pat

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