The Last Friday

The Last Friday is a poetry editing group. Once a month, we post a poem and then offer feedback to the other poems on the Forum. We're a friendly but honest group. We value each other deeply and desire for every poet to be published or become famous.

    Rvier Revisited



    Rvier Revisited

    Post  Nancy on Sun Aug 28, 2011 7:50 am

    Fifty or more gathered on the misty shore

    the fog began to lift

    just before dawn.


    Activity of the day did not include

    anglers cathing a lunker

    or rafting down the lazy river.


    Something much more important-

    cleaning up debris as we

    celebrate Earth Day.


    Once a year participants gather

    to make this mile  of the Niangua

    pristine once again.


    In groups of two, three, or four

    people in waders or aboard boats

    look for junk, garbage and trash-

    waste paper, plastic bags, old tires,

    even rusting metal objects.


    End of day found weary workers

    with a booty of tattered treasures.


    The Niangua is now ready for traffic:

    tourists can flock to see the view

    trout hunters can dip their hooks

    toddlers can wiggle toes in the sand

    And the locals shake their heads

    at the mess the visitors leave.

    Posts : 615
    Join date : 2011-05-21

    River Visitors

    Post  tsukany on Sun Aug 28, 2011 9:41 pm first thought was "I wonder if the poem gains more energy by moving to present tense?" The other thought was to remove as much telling and commentary as possible. I think there are at least two stanzas in the mid section that tell me rather than trust me. Kooser wrote that we ought to include a random, specific detail (in your case a description of a piece of trash or a treasure) that adds credibility. Then the reader should say, "Yup, that writer was in the Niangua."

    Those items aside, I loved the imagery and the visual cues you offer on this journey. Thanks.


    Re: Rvier Revisited

    Post  Guest on Thu Sep 01, 2011 12:30 am

    Nancy, This is a good way to celebrate Earth Day. I think you have a great start. Is there a way to incorporate more of the senses into the poem? What sounds did you hear? Did the river or morning air have a scent? The people in your group--were they your friends or strangers? Were there snippets of conversation that you feel would add to the scene? An example of some specific details in your poem:

    trout hunters can dip their hooks

    toddlers can wiggle toes in the sand

    Those lines present a clear picture to the reader.

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    Re: Rvier Revisited

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