Rvier Revisited

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Rvier Revisited

Post  Nancy on Sun Aug 28, 2011 7:50 am

Fifty or more gathered on the misty shore

the fog began to lift

just before dawn.

 

Activity of the day did not include

anglers cathing a lunker

or rafting down the lazy river.

 

Something much more important-

cleaning up debris as we

celebrate Earth Day.

 

Once a year participants gather

to make this mile  of the Niangua

pristine once again.

 

In groups of two, three, or four

people in waders or aboard boats

look for junk, garbage and trash-

waste paper, plastic bags, old tires,

even rusting metal objects.

 

End of day found weary workers

with a booty of tattered treasures.

 

The Niangua is now ready for traffic:

tourists can flock to see the view

trout hunters can dip their hooks

toddlers can wiggle toes in the sand

And the locals shake their heads

at the mess the visitors leave.

Nancy
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Post  tsukany on Sun Aug 28, 2011 9:41 pm

Nancy...my first thought was "I wonder if the poem gains more energy by moving to present tense?" The other thought was to remove as much telling and commentary as possible. I think there are at least two stanzas in the mid section that tell me rather than trust me. Kooser wrote that we ought to include a random, specific detail (in your case a description of a piece of trash or a treasure) that adds credibility. Then the reader should say, "Yup, that writer was in the Niangua."

Those items aside, I loved the imagery and the visual cues you offer on this journey. Thanks.
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Re: Rvier Revisited

Post  Cindy on Thu Sep 01, 2011 12:30 am

Nancy, This is a good way to celebrate Earth Day. I think you have a great start. Is there a way to incorporate more of the senses into the poem? What sounds did you hear? Did the river or morning air have a scent? The people in your group--were they your friends or strangers? Were there snippets of conversation that you feel would add to the scene? An example of some specific details in your poem:





trout hunters can dip their hooks

toddlers can wiggle toes in the sand





Those lines present a clear picture to the reader.

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