The Last Friday

The Last Friday is a poetry editing group. Once a month, we post a poem and then offer feedback to the other poems on the Forum. We're a friendly but honest group. We value each other deeply and desire for every poet to be published or become famous.


    Got inspired by one of Dewell's emails

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    tsukany

    Posts : 578
    Join date : 2011-05-21

    Got inspired by one of Dewell's emails

    Post  tsukany on Sun Feb 23, 2014 2:23 pm

    Last Friday
    (found poem)

    I'm watching Joe White
    age 93

    prune his rose bushes
    down the street

    one bush each day
    such a gentle touch

    back to the resting
    couch for now

    --Sukany 7 Feb 2014

    Dewell H. Byrd

    Posts : 348
    Join date : 2012-01-05
    Age : 87
    Location : Central Point, OR

    LAST FRIDAY FOUND POEM

    Post  Dewell H. Byrd on Fri Feb 28, 2014 11:34 am

    Todd,  I took my origional poem to Joe along with your response poem today and he chuckled in that deep, rusty drill-seargent voice of his.  This morning the local newspaper included my tribute to Joe.  He is Sidewalk-Supervisor to the local gardners pruning rosebushes at the courthouse.    I marvel how you can get so much meaning in so few words and images like in this poem.  That last line confuses me about WHO is returning to the resting couch.  (Your economy of words in this poem reminds me of what Joe's rosebushes look like after he has pruned them.)  Dewell

    dennis20
    Guest

    clipped to the quick

    Post  dennis20 on Fri Feb 28, 2014 12:07 pm

    Todd,  I read Dewell's response before I sent this and I too admire your brevity.  I was confused by "resting couch" occupant as well. That is unclear as to who is returning.  The only other suggestion might be to reverse the two lines, "prune his rose bushes/down the street" and add the word "from" before "down the street."  It would read:

    I am watching Joe White
    age 93

    from down the street
    prune his rose bushes

    doesn't mean it would be any better, maybe putting "down the street" in perspective.  He isn't pruning them down the street, that is where he is.
     It is a good picture because we know what you are saying.  Dennis

    Pat

    Posts : 610
    Join date : 2011-09-12

    Oh my gosh, I think I understand

    Post  Pat on Sat Mar 01, 2014 8:26 pm

    this one Todd Sukany poem on a first reading. That is a first for me.
    I like the couplets. Perfect format.
    I think you are saying he lives down the street and you watch him prune. He prunes one bush each day, gently prunes them. Cutting rose bushes back is a loving thing whether it hurts the bush at the time or not. It helps them in the long run. They will have more blooms later. Then from exhaustion, he goes back to his couch to rest. It's probably all he can do to prune one bush per day. Clearly he loves it to put out that energy that wears him down. I know people like that. They pace themselves to keep doing what they want to do. I too have admiration and respect for Joe White and for the brevity found here. Appropriate brevity because the act is cutting on one bush a day. : ) Love it.

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