The Last Friday

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    Psalm 151: computer says my title is not long enough here. : )

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    Pat

    Posts : 642
    Join date : 2011-09-12

    Psalm 151: computer says my title is not long enough here. : )

    Post  Pat on Fri Jun 27, 2014 9:19 am

    My second try.  I can paste, but my lines do not weave like I want them to here.  Oh well. .  .  I was playing with line indent.  I can't get it to do what I want, but it's not a biggie.  Second and last lines should be indented.  Then, in the second verse.  I indented every 2nd and 3rd lines.  It's okay.
    Psalms use 1st and 2nd person.  I worked to have specific nouns here.  I'm open to suggestions, of course.  Trying for urging/ directive poem.


                              Psalm 151

    Be willing to witness what’s before you.
     The Lord is worthy of your praise.  Rejoice.

    Use your mouth and pen as extensions of yourself.  
     Let them become bells to hail the commonplace;
     let them bring stars of light and grace.  
    Mark and underline. It is a way to give
     a standing ovation for the Lord’s mighty acts.  
     Praise Him with images that stir the soul.    
    Ring out difficult truths, love and goodness.
     Forgive.  Self-sacrifice.  Midwife the poems
     within you and honor the Lord.  Give yourself
    rest before you die.  Become eager to be
     a plain brown wren, a solitary singer sharing a song.
     Let yourself be a conduit for salt and light
    and spirit. Help others to hear lingering music,
     see the hills, smell burning leaves,
     taste tears, feel the moon changing.  

    You are a witness. Use your pen, thin and clear,
      to praise the Lord!

    Pat

    Posts : 642
    Join date : 2011-09-12

    Tra la! They did weave. . . . !!!

    Post  Pat on Fri Jun 27, 2014 9:22 am

    Maybe they don't do it on preview? I don't know. Just ignore my comments on weaving. It worked this time, and I'm happy about that.
    Form, but it's important enough to me that I want you to see it.


    dennis20
    Guest

    Have to have 12 characters in title for computer to accept

    Post  dennis20 on Fri Jun 27, 2014 9:35 am

    Pat,  Nicely done.  I would offer a couple of things that you might change or emend to keep with the direction you chose for this one.  "It is a way to give" is telling us something rather than pointing out like the rest of the poem.  Hyphen or comma after "underline" and pick up with "a standing ovation..."  "Give yourself rest..." is another one.  Just say "rest before you die..." Last para I would drop "you are" and just say "As a witness, use..."
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    tsukany

    Posts : 600
    Join date : 2011-05-21

    Easy to

    Post  tsukany on Sat Jun 28, 2014 7:38 am

    ignore commands.  I like the parts of the poem that are about poems and music (Psalm).  All the directives get lost to this reader.

    The line spacing did nothing for me.  I didn't like it or dislike it.  I wouldn't have noticed at all if you hadn't brought it up (sad on me I guess).  Sad

    I tried a title with a few words and it passed through.  I wonder why it gives you all trouble?

    Dewell H. Byrd

    Posts : 360
    Join date : 2012-01-05
    Age : 87
    Location : Central Point, OR

    Psalm # one-fifty...

    Post  Dewell H. Byrd on Sat Jun 28, 2014 6:35 pm

    Yes, WAY TOO MANY DIRECTIVES for one Psalm/song. 
    on line one I'd delete "Be willing to" and just get to the meat first thing.
    I don't understand "Mark and underline". 
    I like the praise and rejoice parts... directives can get heavy.

    Overall it seems rather long.
    The part that speaks to the poet/songwriter draw me in.  I like that.

    Shortened, honed, I can see this Psalm on the back of
    Sunday's program.  Thanks for sharing.  Dewell

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