Upholstery Shop

View previous topic View next topic Go down

Upholstery Shop

Post  Pat on Thu Sep 25, 2014 6:17 pm

 I'm open to any help.   Whatever clangs or makes no sense.  Thank you.


 
              Upholstery Shop

 

The bell tinkled as I opened the door.

More space than I imagined from the outside.

An up-ended chair with goat’s legs

in front and cloven hooves, almost

a creature of enchantment.  Smells

of varnish and beeswax.  Light filtering

through the east window.  Mysterious tools.

 

More than an attic, junk room, antique shop. 

I glanced about until a burly man in a smock

gracefully moved toward me like a great

sea mammal, set down a steaming pot of tea

and said, Welcome to a tiny place where

important work happens.  He stretched forth

a hand, as comfortable as clocks ticking,

as the highboys standing upright.

 

Love and reverence floated through the air

in the midst of old things. 

Pat

Posts : 538
Join date : 2011-09-12

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Capt First Person Questioner

Post  tsukany on Fri Sep 26, 2014 6:22 pm

Pat . . . I think there's wonderful experience to be shared here.  

I wonder if we're helped by the "I" of the persona.  Isn't an "I" implied in the actions/descriptions?  (What if the first line is "More space inside than appears from outside . . ."?)  

Do you want the reader to equate the proprietor as part of the building, as odd as the goat chair?  If so, just describe him as uniquely as you did the chair.  

Seems like you needed to tell us about love and reverence as a tag.  It seems like the odd quote from the man is a strong line for ending the poem.  I want to have this experience too.  Thanks.
avatar
tsukany

Posts : 508
Join date : 2011-05-21

View user profile

Back to top Go down

I like to feel the leather when I...

Post  dennis20 on Fri Sep 26, 2014 8:34 pm

Pat,  I like the thought Todd inserted about starting with the second line. More intriging than the bell.  It makes me want to read more.  If you stopped it after the man's statement we would be left to decide on our own about the love and not be confused.  Are you meaning you were in love with the old things or was the man.  It probably would have served better to mention the highboys and clocks further up in the poem with the goat hooves and beeswax thus letting the poem progress to a conclusion. You could have included them with your browsing before the man approached you.  It's kinda like you are trying to open the poem back up instead of letting it conclude.  Good pictures.

dennis20
Guest


Back to top Go down

UPHOLSTRY SHOP

Post  Dewell H. Byrd on Mon Sep 29, 2014 10:39 am

Does the floor creak under his feet?  Is his smock leather?  Does he reach toward you with both hands?  Palms up?
I want to know as much about him as you tell me about the shop and the chair.
The quote is a great end line especially if you delete the "I" as Todd and Dennis suggest.
Warm, friendly poem that invites me in.  Thanks, Dewell.

Dewell H. Byrd

Posts : 305
Join date : 2012-01-05
Age : 86
Location : Central Point, OR

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Helpful, helpful, helpful. . . . .

Post  Pat on Mon Sep 29, 2014 11:01 am

thanks soooo much!     Pat

Pat

Posts : 538
Join date : 2011-09-12

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: Upholstery Shop

Post  Sponsored content


Sponsored content


Back to top Go down

View previous topic View next topic Back to top

- Similar topics

 
Permissions in this forum:
You cannot reply to topics in this forum