The Last Friday

The Last Friday is a poetry editing group. Once a month, we post a poem and then offer feedback to the other poems on the Forum. We're a friendly but honest group. We value each other deeply and desire for every poet to be published or become famous.


    Is there too many pictures for autumn?

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    dennis20
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    Is there too many pictures for autumn?

    Post  dennis20 on Fri Sep 26, 2014 9:48 am

    No Rain, a Good Thing

    Fuchsin leaves curl and rattle
    in dry breeze beneath black gum
    as robins scurry to pick berries
    fallen from September drought.      
     
    Wilting phlox shed bloom and smell
    in a death knell as dust chokes
    afternoon sun until it sets
    across the fields where farmers work.
     
    Soy beans stand tall in fallen leaves
    showing ripen grain to harvesters
    gleaning bounty until the curling moon
    anchors on the wave of rising stars.
     
    No rain in sight--a good thing
    this time of year--as leaves sprinkle,
    dust whirls in circles, and farmers feed
    the world by labor in its season.
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    tsukany

    Posts : 619
    Join date : 2011-05-21

    "Invite me in" says Capt Hypocrite

    Post  tsukany on Fri Sep 26, 2014 6:14 pm

    Dennis.  I know that I am the worst at invitations.  My poetry is unfriendly at best.  Sorry.

    I got stuck with "Fuchsin"  I had to go look it up.  Is "fuchsin" better than an image?  (Sorry I have been in sessions with Tania Runyan...wow!)  I like the music of "smell . . . knell"  My first read I thought two things:  "farmers" is repeated and so is "dust" and neither of those seems to be he focus of the poem.  I was expecting the comparison of "you thought this was a bad thing, but it's good" to continue through the poem.

    Hope I'm helpful this month.

    Pat

    Posts : 671
    Join date : 2011-09-12

    The first word made me stumble and

    Post  Pat on Sat Sep 27, 2014 11:13 am

    sent me to the dictionary instead of to the poem.  Maybe magenta would have taken care of me and been an opposite to black on black gum.  I never see robins in September.  Glad somebody does.   Robins here in Spring.  I had no idea where they went in in September.   I get the dry month. . . . dust, choke, knell. . . .  prelude to dying.   My phlox are shedding blooms too.   Curling moon:  nice.  Do soybeans and fallen leaves go together.  I usually see a field of soybeans, farmers harvesting, dust.  No trees.  I get that they work from dawn to dusk.   Yep, that's what they do in N E Ark anyway.  I know that means you'd give up fall/ tall rhyme.  And what if you said, "....as leaves sprinkle whirling and twirling. . . " We know it's a circle.  You might entertain,  "and farmers feed the world."

    Your poem.  It takes me back to Jonesboro and the surrounding N E Ark counties.  I lived there for 30 years or so.  These images are so common in that part of the state.   Farmers want to get the crop out of the field.  They have months and money tied up in it.  So on they go.   You captured that.  At that point, they do not even want rain.  : )

    Dewell H. Byrd

    Posts : 374
    Join date : 2012-01-05
    Age : 87
    Location : Central Point, OR

    No Rain... A Good Thing

    Post  Dewell H. Byrd on Mon Sep 29, 2014 10:28 am

    Familiar images... reminds me of farmers in CA Central Valley especially when hay is on the ground.
    I suggest you stick with farmers and rain reducing that pile of adjectives and other subjects to about
    three lines.. maybe four.  My favorite... geese overhead... are absent.
    First word was familiar to me because Elsa used to grow hundreds of fuchsia plants and sell them
    at the county fair to fund the garden club.
    The poem just has too many subjects in it ... Try sticking with FALL, RAIN, FARMERS reducing the over emphasis
    on fall.  Bright Images!  Dewell

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