The Last Friday

The Last Friday is a poetry editing group. Once a month, we post a poem and then offer feedback to the other poems on the Forum. We're a friendly but honest group. We value each other deeply and desire for every poet to be published or become famous.


    LET MORNING COME

    Share

    Dewell H. Byrd

    Posts : 360
    Join date : 2012-01-05
    Age : 87
    Location : Central Point, OR

    LET MORNING COME

    Post  Dewell H. Byrd on Wed Dec 17, 2014 3:38 pm

    The readers of a monthly newsletter that affords me a first page column prefer a warm, fuzzy piece and not an academic poem that requires them to think... or work.  So I usually give them something like this poem.  Your observations and suggestions are appreciated and they often occasion considerable rewrite.  Dewell


    LET MORNING COME

    Let the sun pry night and day apart,
    Create a horizon between earth and sky,
    Paint the wind that herds the clouds.
    Let morning come.

    Let the edge of warmth creep down
    The street, mirror the pond of goldfish,
    Steal diamonds from late night dew.
    Let morning come.

    Let the dogwood tree mourn its
    Last leaf twirling in snail breeze
    Resisting a fall to obscurity.
    Let morning come.

    Let the eager dog read the
    Nightly news on every blade of grass
    As it pulls the early, sleepy handler.
    Let morning come.

    Let morning come to Miller Estates
    Bringing warmth and peace
    And blessings to all.
    Let morning come.

    dennis20
    Guest

    365 times is too much

    Post  dennis20 on Sat Dec 20, 2014 9:37 am

    Dewell,   I like the poem you have written with creative thought and pictures.  The pictures bring warm feelings of what each new day means.  However, since you used "Let Morning Come" as the title I think only once again, maybe at the end would be sufficient.  Now, about the last strophe, since you prefaced this poem with the hows and whys you wrote it, that explains the personal thought and directive placed in it.  I like the picture in that strophe, but it should be made impersonal if you were to do anything else with the poem. (such as asking people who don't live in Miller Estates to critique it.) If you said "let morning come to earth" or something like that then it is generic enough for anyone anywhere to see it for their situation.
    avatar
    Karen

    Posts : 291
    Join date : 2014-10-25
    Age : 64
    Location : North Little Rock

    Re: LET MORNING COME

    Post  Karen on Sat Dec 20, 2014 2:10 pm

    Dennis, you might be happy with 365 on the eve of 364.  I am admittedly a fan of repetition. 

    Dewell, I don't think you sacrificed too much by making the poem accessible.  I do agree with Dennis on the last stanza.  I would have preferred a less specific "button".  I would also have enjoyed a bit more darkness tossed in with the leaf, but that may just be my dour personality.
    avatar
    tsukany

    Posts : 597
    Join date : 2011-05-21

    Dewell

    Post  tsukany on Sat Dec 20, 2014 2:34 pm

    Hey Dewell,  thanks for the note on the audience.  That helps.  I would lobby for first and third lines to rhyme.

    Let the edge of warmth creep down
    Create a horizon between earth and sky,
    Paint the wind that herds the clouds.
    Let morning come.

    I moved the first line of stanza two to the beginning and an example.  (slant rhyme)

    Pat

    Posts : 635
    Join date : 2011-09-12

    Let Morning Come

    Post  Pat on Mon Dec 22, 2014 2:32 pm

    Hi Dewell.   I too appreciate the heads up about the audience.   I think most of your readers will like it.   Have you read "Let Evening Come" by Jane Kenyon?   She depends on the repetition and like you, she has simple images.  Do you have Good Poems by Keillor (blue cover)?   or Kenyon's selected readings?   It's in both.   Or just google it.   I am a great fan of her work.  She is not as tight as Clifton or Kooser, but wow!  she speaks to the common woman.  What I'd check out on the last stanza is the abstract imagery:  peace and blessings.   Hard to picture.  I like the particular throughout.   Note on Kenyon's poem where she puts the repetition.  She says it 4 times in 6 stanzas.  Then in the title, of course.   Good luck with this poem.

    Dewell H. Byrd

    Posts : 360
    Join date : 2012-01-05
    Age : 87
    Location : Central Point, OR

    LET MORNING COME

    Post  Dewell H. Byrd on Mon Dec 22, 2014 4:24 pm

    Pat,  I don't know Jane Kenyon.  I'll google her.  If she is anything like Kooster and Collins I'm sure to enjoy her work.  I first drafted this poem after a dinner party with Billy Collins and his presentation at UC Berkeley.  And I learned a lot about presenting poetry to a large audience that night.  Thanks, Dewell.

    Sponsored content

    Re: LET MORNING COME

    Post  Sponsored content


      Current date/time is Fri Jul 20, 2018 1:33 am