The Last Friday

The Last Friday is a poetry editing group. Once a month, we post a poem and then offer feedback to the other poems on the Forum. We're a friendly but honest group. We value each other deeply and desire for every poet to be published or become famous.


    BAH HUMBUG

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    Karen

    Posts : 299
    Join date : 2014-10-25
    Age : 64
    Location : North Little Rock

    BAH HUMBUG

    Post  Karen on Sat Dec 20, 2014 12:31 pm

    Hello Poets,

    This is a silly piece, but here I am with it anyway.  If it makes you laugh, I'm happy with it.  I enjoyed the opportunity to grouse.

    Thank you so much for welcoming me into your group.  These are not conversations easily found in daily life.

    BAH HUMBUG

    I do not have facility
    For holiday tranquility,
    'Tis past my small ability
    To greet this time with cheer.

    I do not care for Christmas trees.
    I loathe hors d'oeuvres with processed cheese.
    The reindeer carry ticks and fleas,
    I do not want them here.

    I will not visit Santa Claus.
    I hate it when his beard is false.
    Moreover, I won't go because
    He hangs around with elves.

    I can't bear crowded shopping malls
    With Christmas music, Christmas balls.
    The shoppers decking all those halls
    Are shopping for themselves.

    That mistletoe's a parasite
    And carolers? Another blight.
    If they'd shut up, then Silent Night
    Would not be once a year.

    I don't buy presents for my friends.
    I don't eat darling Cornish hens.
    I do not wish to make amends
    Or hold my loved ones near.

    I am not the least bit jolly.
    I don't care a whit for holly.
    Pardon me my little folly –
    YOU may think it huge.

    Still
    Don't go Tiny Tim on me.
    That soppy Cratchit family?
    Please
    Hang them from a Christmas tree
    And you may call me "Scrooge."
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    tsukany

    Posts : 605
    Join date : 2011-05-21

    Good fun

    Post  tsukany on Sat Dec 20, 2014 2:46 pm

    I lobby (my word for the day) for a poem where the last line of every stanza rhyme, i.e.  AAAB  CCCB DDDB EEEB  . . . (that kind of scheme)

    The second stanza was a stretch to get from trees to cheese to fleas.  I think there's enough poem here to press hard for another second line in that stanza.

    Stanza five made me laugh aloud.  Thanks.

    The last word of stanza six reads "rear" in my version.  

    I like what you did with "Tiny Tim" but the last two stanzas don't have the same punch as those above.  Again, I think there's enough poem here to warrant the working of a few lines.

    Thanks again

    Todd
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    Karen

    Posts : 299
    Join date : 2014-10-25
    Age : 64
    Location : North Little Rock

    Re: BAH HUMBUG

    Post  Karen on Sat Dec 20, 2014 3:01 pm

    Rear!  You're killin' me! 

    I haven't done anything with this poem except annoy my friends, but maybe I could if I put some work into it.  A good thought on the rhyme scheme.  I wrote a somewhat R-rated Halloween poem with the same rhythm as this one, but with all fourth lines ending in the same rhyme.  It was much easier to read.  There's certainly enough fodder for Christmas that I could go a different path.

    Boy hidey, you don't know how much word yoga it took to get huge and Scrooge lined up.  I'll hate to kiss it goodbye.

    dennis20
    Guest

    Jingle bells and deck the halls

    Post  dennis20 on Sat Dec 20, 2014 4:38 pm

    Karen,  Love it!  Of course you left off Christmas gift and Santa's suit, reindeer hoof upon the roof, (damage there you know) and sleigh bells which aren't among our favorite things. The leap of Huge and Scrooge--priceless.  I'll leave you with my wife's favorite of my Christmas poems.

    No Mistletoe in Our Tradition
     
     
     
    I remember when I was eight,
    My older brother, ten.
    Our favorite aunt had come to town
    With gifts for “her” young men.
     
    The car she drove was pink with fins,
    As long as any train,
    And all the furs and jewels she wore
    Just drove my mom insane.
     
    She had a business ‘way out west
    And men her clientele.
    We didn’t know her business then,
    But boy, how she could sell.
     
    The gift we got surprised us all,
    It started with a kiss.
    Let me say it changed our lives
    It came about like this:
    They met beneath the great archway,
    My dad and my aunt Jo.
    For our surprise and Mama’s eyes
    They used the mistletoe.
     
    My dad, he claimed it was in fun.
    Aunt Jo, she left that day.
    My mama took the mistletoe
    And she threw it away.
     
    My mama got a ring that year.
    My dad spared no expense.
    The mistletoe and my aunt Jo
    Have never been back since.
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    Karen

    Posts : 299
    Join date : 2014-10-25
    Age : 64
    Location : North Little Rock

    Re: BAH HUMBUG

    Post  Karen on Sat Dec 20, 2014 5:03 pm

    What is it that makes us want to turn Christmas on its ear?  I am glad to learn you are a fellow sufferer. 

    I love your poem!  Just when I thought there was VERY little new subject matter for Christmas poetry.

    I lobby for a round of Christmas poems from all poets next year. 

    Good lord, I've caught it from Todd.

    Dewell H. Byrd

    Posts : 363
    Join date : 2012-01-05
    Age : 87
    Location : Central Point, OR

    BAH HUMBUG

    Post  Dewell H. Byrd on Mon Dec 22, 2014 11:27 am

    That's a kick, Karen.  I've seen many versions of this old favorite and this is one of the better ones... just plain fun.  It must have taken a lot of work to get both rhyme scheme and form just right.  It seems to me the impact of a parody comes early on... say it wanes by stanza three... if that be true, you may want to cut some of the "near end" parts to maintain reader/listener attention.  Then again, maybe not.  Thanks for sharing.  Dewell
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    Karen

    Posts : 299
    Join date : 2014-10-25
    Age : 64
    Location : North Little Rock

    Re: BAH HUMBUG

    Post  Karen on Mon Dec 22, 2014 5:13 pm

    Yay - bad is good!  I can see my poem merits some surgery and I'm not afraid to amputate.  THANK you for the positive feedback!

    Pat

    Posts : 648
    Join date : 2011-09-12

    Humbuggery

    Post  Pat on Tue Dec 23, 2014 5:51 am

    I am looking back.  I see that my comments did not come through for your poem.  I have no idea about that.  Struggles.  Baking, crafting, grandchildren, rain, movies, (a hike we hope today), and presents are not all wrapped!  No cards yet.  Yes, I'm in a bind, but this is important too. 

    I think your poem is delightful.  You punched holes in Christmas.  Thank you for not attacking Jesus.  I like that you attacked the carolers though.  : )  Hilarious.  Anything else I say is repetition of these other guys.  May be able to condense the last 3 stanzas.  Keep the punch in it though.  Good job.  I'm amazed at how our brains work.  Fun to read your work.

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