The Last Friday

The Last Friday is a poetry editing group. Once a month, we post a poem and then offer feedback to the other poems on the Forum. We're a friendly but honest group. We value each other deeply and desire for every poet to be published or become famous.


    Too little to be interesting?

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    tsukany

    Posts : 597
    Join date : 2011-05-21

    Too little to be interesting?

    Post  tsukany on Fri Jan 30, 2015 5:49 am

    Is this complete?  Or maybe the title needs adjustment?



    Heading to Rest

    Dusk flutters through scrub pine and cedar
    as this northbound trail demands two miles to end.  

    I press past frustration as tree after tree unloads
    its roosting friends who, too, must resettle before night falls.

    --Todd Sukany 28 Jan 2015

    dennis20
    Guest

    Frustration at its best

    Post  dennis20 on Fri Jan 30, 2015 9:08 am

    Todd,  This is a first. You are last!  The rest of us were already on board. Anyway, it is good that we are all back for the new year.  I like the picture you have created.  At first reading, I saw "past frustrations" as the focal point. Upon rereading, I discovered the runner went past frustrations which I still saw as his own. And then, the light went on and the third possibility, "passing the frustrations" of others. Marvelous.  A smile here.  "Settling" might be a good title.

    Pat

    Posts : 635
    Join date : 2011-09-12

    Heading to Rest

    Post  Pat on Fri Jan 30, 2015 11:16 am

    Short/Little can be very interesting to me. 

    Consider this: maybe "demands two more miles."  I don't think I need "to end."  It's like miles to go before I sleep.

    You are upset with the birds and push past it?  fluttering like the dusk?  I like that. 

    Title seems perfect:  fits you, fits birds. 

    Do the birds roost in cedar and pine?  That's what I'm thinking from your poem.  I use to have a problem at my office with blackbirds, but they were not in evergreens. 

    A very few lines makes me look hard.   I like it   : )

    Dewell H. Byrd

    Posts : 360
    Join date : 2012-01-05
    Age : 87
    Location : Central Point, OR

    Heading To Rest

    Post  Dewell H. Byrd on Sat Jan 31, 2015 2:54 pm

    Bare bones... I would prefer a bit more meat... but the poem makes its point... if the reader wants a "story" he/she must bring it to the scenes created... love the flutter of dusk and the startled roost beings... frustration hints at fatigue for me in this sparse poem.... sometimes the peace we seek must come at another's expense...  Thanks for sharing this special thought.  Dewell
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    Karen

    Posts : 291
    Join date : 2014-10-25
    Age : 64
    Location : North Little Rock

    Re: Too little to be interesting?

    Post  Karen on Sat Jan 31, 2015 4:49 pm

    I agree with Pat on striking "to end".  The image is very clear.  I didn't need more.

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