"minimum of 10 characters"

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"minimum of 10 characters"

Post  tsukany on Fri Apr 24, 2015 8:01 am

In this poem I am trying to see if you read enough "poetic devices" to keep it out of the prose pool.



Tuesday Evening Service

Sitting in your church, I question
“How big is your hope?”  I hear you
elucidate seven minutes of verse here
and six minutes there.  Inside one of those

experiences are two lines
that hint at the intervention
of a supreme being, or a wind,
or a meditation that, upon scrutinizing,

eke out a drop of promise.  
I want to take a drink, but there’s not enough
for a taste, not enough for over thirty mouths
who’ve spent the past year in a desert.  

This desert of cruelty, disrespect,
lawlessness, chaos, and disorder,
grows decade after decade.  Any oasis
we once could see, even as mirage,

is swallowed up by line breaks,
by shifting sands, by mountains
of political correctness, an equality
defined by personal benefit.  I hope

to stand up, expand the borders
of the oasis that is truth, grow grass
at the edge of the sands, toss a branch,
no, a tree of hope large enough

to float across, relaxing until strength
is restored enough to swap places
with one stuck behind the manuscript.

--Todd Sukany 23 Apr 2015
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Re: "minimum of 10 characters"

Post  Karen on Fri Apr 24, 2015 4:21 pm

I buy it as a poem.  What makes it a poem to me is the way my attention is directed by the form.  It slows me down, makes me think at the pace of the poet, keeps me from rushing forward. 

I also appreciate the poet's eye, emotion, and perception.  I would have a different reaction to a prose piece. I would receive it as an opinion.  I would be caught up in my own reaction to the opinion instead of listening.

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I'd like to say no, know

Post  dennis20 on Fri Apr 24, 2015 5:04 pm

Todd,  I could see a theme and a form with imagery. I didn't find rhyme, internal rhyme, much alliteration (shifting sands), but some repetition, personification, and metaphors. There is also the involvement of the senses which helps pull the reader into the poem.  With that said, it still appeared more toward prose writing than poetry to me.  That may have been because of the subject matter. It seems heavy for poem fodder. Anyway, yes, I could see enough "devices" to keep it's feet out of the water.

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No, I do not read it as a poem

Post  Pat on Sat Apr 25, 2015 8:31 pm

It has stanzas and line breaks like poetry, but I do not hear music or see imagery.  Words like promise, hope, disrespect, cruelty, truth may be where you want the reader to go, but it's telling.  One little image might take us there.  It sounds more like a rant.  I pushed myself to read past the third stanza.  I had a hard time with this.

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Minimum of Ten Characters

Post  Dewell H. Byrd on Sun Apr 26, 2015 11:56 am

Poem?  Yes, a prose poem.  First couple of stanzas I thought it was a RANT.  I guess overall the piece covers too much ground to be a typical TODD poem though the subject is right on.  I like the absence of poetic mechanics for a change since I'm basically a storyteller.  Go with it as is.  Reading it to an audience will be more interesting than seeing it alone.  Good work.  Dewell

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