The Last Friday

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The Last Friday

The Last Friday is a poetry editing group. Once a month, we post a poem and then offer feedback to the other poems on the Forum. We're a friendly but honest group. We value each other deeply and desire for every poet to be published or become famous.


4 posters

    OVERALL ... (once again, my title is too short to make the forum happy)

    Karen
    Karen


    Posts : 320
    Join date : 2014-10-25
    Age : 70
    Location : North Little Rock

    OVERALL ... (once again, my title is too short to make the forum happy) Empty OVERALL ... (once again, my title is too short to make the forum happy)

    Post  Karen Wed Apr 22, 2015 6:55 pm

    Yay, I'm first on.  This silly thing is bothering me, but I like it.   I've thought on the title, but nothing comes to me.  The word longhandles looks off, but dictionary.com says it's ok.  Maybe I've just never seen it in writing before.

    So ... your thoughts, overall?

    OVERALL

    When you wore overalls
    every day,
    they beat the daylights
    out of the dryer
    every weekend.

    Big Smiths,
    every shade
    of blue.

    White painters' overalls
    in summer.
    No shirt.

    Wintertime,
    dark stiff newcomers
    over red longhandles.

    At home,
    that wounded veteran,
    missing a buckle
    on one shoulder strap,
    but still functional,
    overall.
    tsukany
    tsukany


    Posts : 924
    Join date : 2011-05-21

    OVERALL ... (once again, my title is too short to make the forum happy) Empty fun

    Post  tsukany Fri Apr 24, 2015 8:30 am

    I tried a three-letter subject on a reply (maybe different rules for original posts?)

    I like the tone of the poem and extended meaning of the final stanza.  I question "overalls" in stanza three.
    avatar
    Dewell H. Byrd


    Posts : 385
    Join date : 2012-01-05
    Age : 93
    Location : Central Point, OR

    OVERALL ... (once again, my title is too short to make the forum happy) Empty Re: OVERALL ... (once again, my title is too short to make the forum happy)

    Post  Dewell H. Byrd Fri Apr 24, 2015 12:02 pm

    OVERALLS...
    Nicely done, Karen.  Did painters wear overalls or coveralls?  The one-buckle overalls were a standard on washday at our house... and the patches, Good Lord, the patches.  My Dad was proud of his watch fob in the bib of his work overalls and checked it sometimes as a nervous gesture... fine pocket watch.  If you want to extend this poem you might include hand-me-downs, patches, turned up cuffs.  I gave up my last pair at age 12 but the memories are forever and your poem renewed them.  Thanks.  Dewell
    Karen
    Karen


    Posts : 320
    Join date : 2014-10-25
    Age : 70
    Location : North Little Rock

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    Post  Karen Fri Apr 24, 2015 12:39 pm

    For Todd and Dewell ... I think both of you are thinking about painters' coveralls in the 3rd stanza (there were and are such), but I do mean overalls.  Google says they're still around!

    My husband wore overalls daily for the first 10 years or so we were married.  His seasonal change from denim to lightweight white canvas was almost as regimented as my Papo's longhandle rituals.  Bob would wear more and more faded denim as the weather warmed.  It was as if one late spring morning I would wake up to find the denim had finally faded completely to white.  I remember so well his motion of flipping that second buckle over his shoulder.  Bullseye.  The buckle did everything but hook from that little flip.

    I'm glad this poem resonated with you.  It's about some very specific memories, and I love that about it.
    avatar
    dennis20
    Guest


    OVERALL ... (once again, my title is too short to make the forum happy) Empty Overall it is good

    Post  dennis20 Fri Apr 24, 2015 3:08 pm

    Karen,  Nice pictures.  Been there, done that.  As Dewell pointed out, I also wore them in youth. Big Smith and Lee were the ones back in the day. I remember the white striped ones that I hated.  I swore I would never wear them (or any overalls) again.  So far, I have kept that oath and don't look to change my mind.  Now to the poem,  You start out "when you"... and end with "that wounded veteran."  My thought is be consistant.  Either use the "when he"  or end with "you."  I like the picture of dark stiff newcomers.  It reminds me of hanging them out on the line in winter and they (blue jeans, too) would freeze stiff and although dry would be stiff chunks to bring in before dark.  Good memories here.
    tsukany
    tsukany


    Posts : 924
    Join date : 2011-05-21

    OVERALL ... (once again, my title is too short to make the forum happy) Empty To be more clear

    Post  tsukany Fri Apr 24, 2015 6:47 pm

    I read "bibs" when I see overalls.  I meant to suggest cutting the word "overalls" out of stanza three.  It's in the title and there's not a clear shift from that title by stanza three; therefore, I would call it "redundant."  That is the only suggestion I find in this poem.  Well done.
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    Pat


    Posts : 1162
    Join date : 2011-09-12

    OVERALL ... (once again, my title is too short to make the forum happy) Empty Overall, I like it

    Post  Pat Sat Apr 25, 2015 8:18 pm

    Nice play on words.  I actually own a pair of overalls.  : )  I'd go with 3rd person.  Check out summer and winter.  There may be a way to parallel them.   Good work.

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