The Last Friday

The Last Friday is a poetry editing group. Once a month, we post a poem and then offer feedback to the other poems on the Forum. We're a friendly but honest group. We value each other deeply and desire for every poet to be published or become famous.


    Inside the Closet

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    Pat

    Posts : 648
    Join date : 2011-09-12

    Inside the Closet

    Post  Pat on Sat Dec 31, 2011 2:05 pm

    Inside the Closet



    I open a door of a small closet

    on the other side of my mother’s room

    in a nursing home. In front of me

    three blouses hang limply

    on bent hangers. They brush

    each other’s sleeves like that

    of young girls walking side by side

    down a long lane.



    Aunt Effie: a stylish white blouse

    to go along with black double-knit pants;

    My mother: a soft pink shirt with hazel-eyed

    buttons to complement lavender double-knit pants;

    Aunt Mary Ellen: an open-down-the-front

    long sleeve calico blouse to accompany

    navy double-knit pants.



    Here, in the darkened quiet,

    they are like three different roses

    but from the same bush.
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    tsukany

    Posts : 605
    Join date : 2011-05-21

    Nice

    Post  tsukany on Sat Dec 31, 2011 2:53 pm

    Pat...I really like the surprise imagery. I like to revise as feedback. I figure if I break it DEEPLY, you might see it another way. Of course, as with all feedback, ignore it all. Smile I would add extra spaces and other visual elements but this program won't allow it. Thanks for sharing this poem Pat. (The limp hangers is my favorite image)

    Inside the Closet

    I open a door on the other side
    of my mother’s room in the nursing home.
    In front of me
    three blouses hang
    limply
    from bent hangers.

    They brush each other
    like young girls
    walking
    side by side
    down a long lane.

    Aunt Effie: a stylish white blouse
    with black double-knit pants

    My mother: a soft pink shirt
    with hazel-eyed buttons to complement lavender double-knit pants

    Aunt Mary Ellen: an open-down-the-front blouse
    with long sleeve calico to accompany navy double-knit pants

    Here, in the darkened quiet,
    they are three different roses
    from the same bush.



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