The Last Friday

The Last Friday is a poetry editing group. Once a month, we post a poem and then offer feedback to the other poems on the Forum. We're a friendly but honest group. We value each other deeply and desire for every poet to be published or become famous.


    Sorry. This is more than a quick read. What is broken?

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    tsukany

    Posts : 615
    Join date : 2011-05-21

    Sorry. This is more than a quick read. What is broken?

    Post  tsukany on Thu Jun 25, 2015 10:37 am

    Crossing Over

    As the lads left, the lens waited
    high on a step-ladder, waited
    at the piano-like intersection, waited
    in front of bobby-held traffic. Waited.

    Within ten minutes, the shutter clicked,
    like a fine poem, the one we all desire
    to read but more to write, the one where
    thousands will imitate its walk into the heart and soul,

    the poem that needs no title
    nor author identification,
    just a quatrain as quirky
    as Maxwell’s instrument of attention.

    --Todd Sukany 7 June 2015
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    Karen

    Posts : 309
    Join date : 2014-10-25
    Age : 64
    Location : North Little Rock

    Re: Sorry. This is more than a quick read. What is broken?

    Post  Karen on Thu Jun 25, 2015 11:43 am

    My first thought was the Abbey Road cover photo, but the photographer was Iain Macmillan.  Am I lost or on the trail?

    Pat

    Posts : 665
    Join date : 2011-09-12

    I wrote 3 paragraphs and they disappeared!

    Post  Pat on Fri Jun 26, 2015 7:55 pm

    Okay, this will be shorter, then I hit Send. 
    S 1 :   I guess there is a camera lens on a ladder at an intersection.  Set to go off in 10 minutes.  A bobby-held traffic would be a policeman in England?   Maybe a photographer has set to take a picture of someone important?  Waiting - 4 times.  Everything, even a camera, is waiting.  Unusual photo shot.  Hmmm. 
    S 2:  Shutter clicks and it's perfect!   Like a fine poem that you write.  Pulitzer variety:  others imitate it.  Well-known, well laid out and goes into heart and soul. 
    S 3 :  Photo is known for its quirkiness, identifiable.   Like e.e.cummings poetry, I suppose.  I always thought it was weird and quirky until a teacher taught me it was different and masterfully done.  : )   W.C.Williams and the Red Wheelbarrow.  I had the same reaction many years ago.  Maxwell:  I do not know a photographer by that name, but you must.  What a fine compliment to him.  He photos outside the box?   And it is recognizable.  Mary Oliver is that way too, I suppose.  I stumbled over nor author. . . . I'd just say:  no title, no author. 
    I am guessing at Crossing Over title.   Not really clear to me whether it's about the subject, the photographer.  Because I know you write on different levels, I also wonder if it is about going to heaven where everything will be super wonderful to us, I just don't know. 
    I certainly hope you will tell us what you were thinking on this title after everyone has played with it.  : )

    dennis20
    Guest

    I ain't got a clue

    Post  dennis20 on Fri Jun 26, 2015 10:06 pm

    Todd,  "England swings like a penduleum do"  or so the song goes.  I can't say much about the subject here.  I am not with you unless this is a vacation to "merry old..." I do like the picture of piano-like intersection.  That is great imagination. Because of what you said about the poem, I am going to add what I was going to use for my poem this month. I love your far reaching thought about that poem we read and wish we had written it.  I come across those all too often.  Maybe after you enlighten us can we help.

    The Work of Words

    A frail verse of poetry
    shyly written, humbly presented
    becomes a martyr for centuries,
    repeated for generations.
     
    A strong verse
    grabs the mind,
    boldly builds hope,
    forms a community,
    establishes a nation.
     
    A great verse is a fulcrum,
    pivot point planted
    within hearts,
    moves the universe
    for centuries.
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    tsukany

    Posts : 615
    Join date : 2011-05-21

    Nice offering Dennis

    Post  tsukany on Sat Jun 27, 2015 5:38 am

    I really like the journey of your poem.  It was unexpected.  Thanks
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    Karen

    Posts : 309
    Join date : 2014-10-25
    Age : 64
    Location : North Little Rock

    Re: Sorry. This is more than a quick read. What is broken?

    Post  Karen on Sat Jun 27, 2015 8:41 pm

    Okay you two, break it up.  Dennis ... "a martyr for centuries."   Good one.  I like the beginning of the 3 stanzas - frail, strong, great.

    Todd, if you don't give us the lowdown on the hoedown on "Crossing Over" by Sunday night, I'm crossing over the Missouri line to get the answer.  This poem is worrying me to death.  I want the backstory too.
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    tsukany

    Posts : 615
    Join date : 2011-05-21

    See 'ere, Mate

    Post  tsukany on Sun Jun 28, 2015 6:38 am

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    Karen

    Posts : 309
    Join date : 2014-10-25
    Age : 64
    Location : North Little Rock

    Re: Sorry. This is more than a quick read. What is broken?

    Post  Karen on Sun Jun 28, 2015 12:04 pm

    The "Maxwell" kept throwing me.  I was barking in the right forest, but up the wrong tree.

    Silver hammer?

    Dewell H. Byrd

    Posts : 371
    Join date : 2012-01-05
    Age : 87
    Location : Central Point, OR

    What's Broken...

    Post  Dewell H. Byrd on Sun Jun 28, 2015 12:51 pm

    Sure fooled me.
    I had this heaven thing, too.
    With the picture it all makes sense.
    Maybe if you identified the four boys it would help the reader.
    I like the tone, the feel of the poem except the time delay is an interruption.
    Dewell

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    Re: Sorry. This is more than a quick read. What is broken?

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