The Last Friday

The Last Friday is a poetry editing group. Once a month, we post a poem and then offer feedback to the other poems on the Forum. We're a friendly but honest group. We value each other deeply and desire for every poet to be published or become famous.


    QUEEN KONG TOMATO

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    Karen

    Posts : 282
    Join date : 2014-10-25
    Age : 64
    Location : North Little Rock

    QUEEN KONG TOMATO

    Post  Karen on Wed Aug 26, 2015 9:01 am

    Sad for the departure of home-grown tomatoes ...


    QUEEN KONG TOMATO

    Big red marbles,
    burnished black,
    ripened on Caroline’s washer.
    Cherokee Purple Tomatoes,
    she said.
    I picked the last
    before frost.

    The next spring,
    Caroline’s gift:
    a tiny plant,
    started from seed.
    Even I
    could grow
    cherry tomatoes.

    The cast iron pot
    in the front yard
    welcomed the newcomer.
    She spread out,
    made herself at home,
    put down roots.

    I never expected
    her Jack in the Beanstalk
    trunk,
    that I propped with a basket
    and a lattice
    and a broom stick.
    Or a tomato
    as big as a grapefruit.
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    tsukany

    Posts : 585
    Join date : 2011-05-21

    Good Fun

    Post  tsukany on Fri Aug 28, 2015 6:53 am

    Karen

    What about moving stanza one to the end of the poem?  Start with stanza two.

    Todd

    Karen

    Posts : 282
    Join date : 2014-10-25
    Age : 64
    Location : North Little Rock

    Re: QUEEN KONG TOMATO

    Post  Karen on Fri Aug 28, 2015 7:31 am

    I like it!  I still have all the parts I want, but the ending isn't as pat.  It keeps the reader guessing in a different way.

    Dewell H. Byrd

    Posts : 351
    Join date : 2012-01-05
    Age : 87
    Location : Central Point, OR

    QUEEN KONG TOMATO

    Post  Dewell H. Byrd on Sat Aug 29, 2015 1:17 pm

    Love the form you are using with this fruiting vine.  To suddenly personify the plant as late as Stanza three left me guessing during first read.  Should Jack-In-The-Beanstalk have some connectors in there?  I get your message in last two lines but it seems powerless... lost in preceding descriptors...  can you break these lines off someway to give them back the punch, surprise they deserve?  Good poem...  I can smell the vine, taste the tartness... Dewell

    Pat

    Posts : 619
    Join date : 2011-09-12

    Tomatoes

    Post  Pat on Sat Aug 29, 2015 3:13 pm

    I like the format:   like a growing tomato.   I like the last line:  it has punch enough for me.  I like knowing it's a huge tomato.  First stanza.  I read and read the poem:   you really don't require first stanza unless you are giving the poem as a gift to Caroline.  It may have helped you get into the mood for the poem?

    Dennis 20
    Guest

    Broom sticks and bed springs how do we make our gardens grow

    Post  Dennis 20 on Mon Aug 31, 2015 10:31 pm

    Karen,  You drew the picture so beautifully.  I could never have said burnished black but that is so accurate on those little doogies.  Bet you can't pronounce that word. (could be dugies since it rhymes with rouge)  I liked that you centered it on the page. It is the little things that sometimes helps to form a poem and we don't even notice.  You wanted the vine-plant to be tall and straight but it wasn't and often they aren't.  You make it so believeable as if you really knew how to grow a vine. And then finished it off to give the title credence with the out-of-place grapefruit.  Good!

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    Re: QUEEN KONG TOMATO

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