Questioning a prep or two

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Questioning a prep or two

Post  tsukany on Wed Sep 23, 2015 9:45 am

no wonder

you are frightened,
   your hope for the future
       rests in the whims

of an elected official,
   a servant of the State,
       a person no different than you,

one with an occupation,
   an ego, a reputation,
       and thick skin.

--Todd Sukany 23 Sept 2015
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we solve the of, then next the when or if

Post  Dennis 20 on Thu Sep 24, 2015 8:26 pm

Todd,  I'm not sure what you are looking for in this one.  The preps are implied in almost every line. 
I could make a case for a period after "frightened."  I could also make a case for "with" instead of "of" and in the last line. I can't make up my mind if "you who is frightened" has thick skin or only the "elected official."  If you put the "with" there it would be a separate trait for the "elected official."  
But such is poetry.  Let the reader find what you put there and didn't know.  

Good, short, effecient.

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Questioning A Prep Or Two

Post  Dewell H. Byrd on Fri Sep 25, 2015 4:23 pm

I like it as is.  Wondering if both have, or need, a thick skin?  The first person has so much at stake... implied... and the second person has so little.  The "unfairness-of justice" strikes me. I prefer the poem without additional preps.  But, darn, you made me think again.  Dewell

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Re: Questioning a prep or two

Post  Karen on Sat Sep 26, 2015 3:18 pm

Tight and to the point.  I want a period after "frightened". 

I particularly like the way the title jumps right into the meat of the poem.
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No Wonder

Post  Pat on Sat Sep 26, 2015 7:47 pm

It would help me if there was a period after frightened since you are doing punctuation throughout the rest of the poem. 

I like the words whims, thick skin, an ego, a person no different from you.  Simple and powerful. 

The form fits the poem.

What?  The persona does not trust the gov't, elected official.  : )  Well-done.

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