The Last Friday

The Last Friday is a poetry editing group. Once a month, we post a poem and then offer feedback to the other poems on the Forum. We're a friendly but honest group. We value each other deeply and desire for every poet to be published or become famous.


    Looking at double meaning and a satisfying conclusion.

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    tsukany

    Posts : 615
    Join date : 2011-05-21

    Looking at double meaning and a satisfying conclusion.

    Post  tsukany on Tue Jan 24, 2012 8:46 am

    Early into Love Wins

    Rhetorical questions squib the norm.
    They assume a speaker who knows more
    than he or she lets on. The question
    rests fat, answered, and thus, the focus
    fakes an audible to the receiver. Could it be
    like the quarterback who calls a sneak,
    time after time after time until
    the defense knows what to ignore? Or
    repeated play after play until
    the offensive line feels no grounds
    to attack? Could it be like the end
    in this writing?

    --Sukany 24 Jan 2012

    Pat

    Posts : 665
    Join date : 2011-09-12

    Thoughts about Early Into Love Wins

    Post  Pat on Sun Jan 29, 2012 4:42 pm

    Todd, the title is tricky. I'd add the author's name so it's not intentionally tricky.

    Line 2: I'd drop who

    Line 3: I stopped when I came to the word fat. And yet, I understand the meaning here. What about "the fat question rests answered"?

    You used some parallelism/ repetition. Okay. . . quarterback/ defense: good images . . . easy to follow.

    I'm thinking you have the reader being the receiver; the quarterback is the writer of fat rhetorical questions.

    I think your last line is crucial to the entire poem. I know it has to be a rhetorical question. As I understand rhetorical questions, they are stated just to produce an effect on the listener. (The speaker never wants an answer. He holds all the answers.) I'd try: Could it be. . .. ? Todd, what if you put a feeling after Could it be: tiring, flat, etc. (whatever the effect might be) like the end . . . .

    Once I realized it was a book, it was not difficult to understand, but I did not figure it out at the beginning. Double meaning then became clear. This is what I call an intellectual poem. My brain must be working to take it all in. I bet you had a lot of fun writing it. : ) As it should be. . . Pat

    Dennis20
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    Re: Looking at double meaning and a satisfying conclusion.

    Post  Dennis20 on Mon Feb 06, 2012 6:35 pm

     

     

    I was having difficulty following your direction until I read Pat's thoughts and once I recognized the title was a book it helped.  As poets, we must be clear enough that the reader can relate to the poem or he is turned off, or worse, doesn't desire to read us because he doesn't understand.  Poetry is short, must reach the reader quickly to produce the desired effect.
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    tsukany

    Posts : 615
    Join date : 2011-05-21

    Reply to Dennis

    Post  tsukany on Sat Feb 11, 2012 9:22 pm

    Hey Dennis...thanks for the note. I agree with your thoughts about the interest of readers to a poem. I had hoped that the italics for the book's title would be cue enough. I, of course, want the poem to work without knowing it is commentary about a book. I have since finished the book and have written the sequel to this poem. If one has not read the book, neither of the poems would be worth reading. (I would lobby that my poems are of more value to read than the book though....)

    Again, sorry that the forum is not sending me notification of your posts. I apologize for the lateness of my responses. I value your input as well as everyone on the list. Todd

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