Parenthetical title ... yes or no? The 3rd line in the 1st stanza seems snoozy. Change it? Ideas?
I like the last line a lot, but I'm not sure my intention comes through, or if the idea of taking somebody or something to town is too old hat. Probably not as old hat as "old hat".
Spring Street Sidewalk
(Life in the Old Girl Yet)
I am a ruined and wrinkled slab,
devious with broken concrete,
dry brown leaves, dandelions.
I can break your mother’s back.
Cracks are facts to be respected.
Humbling stumbling is expected.
Pocks and loose rock are my small talk.
I can still take you to town.
I like the last line a lot, but I'm not sure my intention comes through, or if the idea of taking somebody or something to town is too old hat. Probably not as old hat as "old hat".
Spring Street Sidewalk
(Life in the Old Girl Yet)
I am a ruined and wrinkled slab,
devious with broken concrete,
dry brown leaves, dandelions.
I can break your mother’s back.
Cracks are facts to be respected.
Humbling stumbling is expected.
Pocks and loose rock are my small talk.
I can still take you to town.