Blood Moon

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Blood Moon

Post  Pat on Thu Nov 26, 2015 8:06 pm

I have reworked this so many times.  I am happy to turn it over to your eyes. I hope one of you saw this happening in the sky. I'll take any kind of help you can offer.  


Blood Moon

Like moonflowers govern at night,
the milky moon rules the palm of the sky.

She rises, as always, over
the rim of the mountain,

and tonight she is lined up:
sun, earth, moon---earth in the middle.

Full and suspended, she crosses
the earth's shadow.

She is slowly swaddled in darkness
turning her lantern

a dull, reddish glow.
Tender, celestial event.

Such a minuscule movement of
God's finger.

Pat

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BLOOD MOON

Post  Dewell H. Byrd on Sun Nov 29, 2015 9:06 pm

Yes, we saw it, too.  Probably a few moments after you did... There was a glow... moisture in the air, maybe.  Lovely poem, Pat.
A few possible considerations:
reverse the first two lines
change govern to glowing
delete last stanza...

If you keep the last stanza then front it with a couplet that leads us into your God ending.  Otherwise there is too big a jump.

Your poem... reminds me of that night... gives me shivers... Elsa likes it, too.  Dewell

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Re: Blood Moon

Post  Karen on Mon Nov 30, 2015 6:03 am

Pat, I love this beyond any of your work I have read.  I saw this blood moon too.

the milky moon rules the palm of the sky

... turning her lantern

a dull, reddish glow

Good, good stuff.  I want something different though on tonight she is lined up, maybe something with in sync? synchronize? harmonize?

You've captured the picture for me, and more importantly, the feeling.
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Blood Moon

Post  Don C on Mon Nov 30, 2015 8:25 am

Good poem, Pat.
You use the line "sun,earth, moon --earth in the middle. This seems redundant. we have read sun,earth, moon and we easily see the earth is in the middle.

Full and suspended, she crosses
the earth's shadow,

slowly swaddled in darkness
turning her lantern
(Using the comma and omitting "She is" creates an enjambment )

a dull, redidsh glow.
Tender, celestial event--

the minuscule movement 
of God's finger.
Omitting the period and using dashes emphasizes the event.

Just a thought

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Wood shed

Post  tsukany on Mon Nov 30, 2015 2:38 pm

Pat,

I wonder if the first part can sound less like an astronomy lesson?  I think most readers consider the moon as a "female" in the southern hemisphere.  I wonder if there's another "persona" to add freshness to the offering?

Todd
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Pat's revised poem from E-mail

Post  tsukany on Mon Nov 30, 2015 3:05 pm

Blood Moon
 
She rules the palm of the sky
while moonflowers reign in the yard.
 
The milky moon rises, as always, over
the rim of the mountain.
 
Tonight she is synchronized with 
sun, earth, moon.
 
Full and suspended, she crosses
the earth’s shadow.
 
The moon is slowly swaddled
in darkness,
 
turning her lantern
a dull, reddish glow—
 
such a miniscule movement
of God’s finger. 
 
Pat
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I much prefer the revision

Post  tsukany on Mon Nov 30, 2015 3:06 pm

Pat,

Seems much closer in this version.  I still think a couple places at the end are "weedy."

Well done.

Todd
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Re: Blood Moon

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