The Last Friday

The Last Friday is a poetry editing group. Once a month, we post a poem and then offer feedback to the other poems on the Forum. We're a friendly but honest group. We value each other deeply and desire for every poet to be published or become famous.


    For my friend Judy. . .

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    Pat

    Posts : 671
    Join date : 2011-09-12

    For my friend Judy. . .

    Post  Pat on Wed Jan 27, 2016 7:19 am

    Considering Change

    "What's happening here?" she asks men
    conferring behind her office building.
    The one in a black tie weighs a dark reply.

    Her feet suddenly sense shifting ground.
    Turns out the men can cut down
    any and all the bountiful shade trees.

    Slowly, she walks back to the door
    attached to a room where she
    urges sufferers to let go of weights,

    remove veils, put out flaming pain.
    Now the counselor must give up
    the cottonwoods.

    Though she is full of terra,
    her heart unknots, she loosens
    and breathes long.

    Trees or no trees,
    she is set on living life in circles,
    in layers--deeper, round, further in--

    letting pure songs sing inside her
    while she faces light, darkness,
    love, change.
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    Karen

    Posts : 310
    Join date : 2014-10-25
    Age : 65
    Location : North Little Rock

    Re: For my friend Judy. . .

    Post  Karen on Thu Jan 28, 2016 5:10 am

    I like this a lot, Pat.  The picture, the emotion, and particularly the loosening.

    Two things.  The door "attached" to the room hit me funny.  I'm also prejudiced against dashes, but that may be my own little fret.
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    tsukany

    Posts : 619
    Join date : 2011-05-21

    Conflicted

    Post  tsukany on Thu Jan 28, 2016 3:18 pm

    Pat I am a bit conflicted.  I like how the metaphor ends but it seems a bit telling.  I wonder if the poem can end at stanza five.  I was also struck by "terra."  That seems a bit of a tone shift.

    I think the persona has the same occupation as the poet and that colors my interpretation.  I wonder if "urges" can become "counsels" to hit at the "counselor/persona/poet" reference a bit earlier in the poem.

    I really am captivated by stanza two.  Well done.

    Pat

    Posts : 671
    Join date : 2011-09-12

    Dennis, Dewell, I must have hit New Post

    Post  Pat on Thu Jan 28, 2016 8:47 pm

    instead of reply.  Would you look at the other posting of this poem for me?  Thank you!   Would appreciate any and all input on this second, 20th, 40th version of this poem.  So hard when the people are close to you. . . .

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