For my friend Judy. . .

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For my friend Judy. . .

Post  Pat on Wed Jan 27, 2016 7:19 am

Considering Change

"What's happening here?" she asks men
conferring behind her office building.
The one in a black tie weighs a dark reply.

Her feet suddenly sense shifting ground.
Turns out the men can cut down
any and all the bountiful shade trees.

Slowly, she walks back to the door
attached to a room where she
urges sufferers to let go of weights,

remove veils, put out flaming pain.
Now the counselor must give up
the cottonwoods.

Though she is full of terra,
her heart unknots, she loosens
and breathes long.

Trees or no trees,
she is set on living life in circles,
in layers--deeper, round, further in--

letting pure songs sing inside her
while she faces light, darkness,
love, change.

Pat

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Re: For my friend Judy. . .

Post  Karen on Thu Jan 28, 2016 5:10 am

I like this a lot, Pat.  The picture, the emotion, and particularly the loosening.

Two things.  The door "attached" to the room hit me funny.  I'm also prejudiced against dashes, but that may be my own little fret.

Karen

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Conflicted

Post  tsukany on Thu Jan 28, 2016 3:18 pm

Pat I am a bit conflicted.  I like how the metaphor ends but it seems a bit telling.  I wonder if the poem can end at stanza five.  I was also struck by "terra."  That seems a bit of a tone shift.

I think the persona has the same occupation as the poet and that colors my interpretation.  I wonder if "urges" can become "counsels" to hit at the "counselor/persona/poet" reference a bit earlier in the poem.

I really am captivated by stanza two.  Well done.
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tsukany

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Dennis, Dewell, I must have hit New Post

Post  Pat on Thu Jan 28, 2016 8:47 pm

instead of reply.  Would you look at the other posting of this poem for me?  Thank you!   Would appreciate any and all input on this second, 20th, 40th version of this poem.  So hard when the people are close to you. . . .

Pat

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Re: For my friend Judy. . .

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