The Last Friday

The Last Friday is a poetry editing group. Once a month, we post a poem and then offer feedback to the other poems on the Forum. We're a friendly but honest group. We value each other deeply and desire for every poet to be published or become famous.


    Is this just a story in stanzas?

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    tsukany

    Posts : 605
    Join date : 2011-05-21

    Is this just a story in stanzas?

    Post  tsukany on Thu Feb 25, 2016 5:11 pm

    Three Pounds

    This book, your bible,
    a larger print KJV,
    sits as it has for years,
    by me, neatly wrapped
    in its faux-leather cover,
    zipper extended
    to its fully closed position.  

    Even now as it makes its way
    to the front, the altar area,
    its pages are not dusty,
    not wrinkled, not overly worn.

    I will choke out the introduction
    once again,
    Today I'm reading from
    my grandfather's bible.  
    No one but me knows
    the identity of its owner or
    the items that separate pages.

    Todd Sukany 15 Feb 2016
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    Karen

    Posts : 299
    Join date : 2014-10-25
    Age : 64
    Location : North Little Rock

    Re: Is this just a story in stanzas?

    Post  Karen on Sun Feb 28, 2016 7:34 pm

    I don’t find fault with a story told this way.

    I loved getting a glimpse of the poet’s emotion in the last stanza.  And what an ending!  I wouldn’t change anything about the poem.

    Okay, I questioned the title.  Then I got out my Williams-Sonoma kitchen scale and weighed the slim white leatherette Bible I carried as a girl.  Just over a pound. 

    Title stands.

    Dennis 20
    Guest

    Losing weight

    Post  Dennis 20 on Sun Feb 28, 2016 9:31 pm

    Todd,  I like the picture here and can follow the progression.  I was looking for more out of the title. I can only assume you meant it as a description of the bible, but am not sure. 
    "The Weight of Words"

    I am a little confused with the way you go from the picture I get where you say "your bible" in the first stanza to where you are TELLING me "I am reading from my grandfather's bible'' in the last stanza. It seems you are talking to your grandfather, maybe, and then it changes to me or whoever the reader might be. Consistancy?  I'm not sure if that is meant to be in italics which would throw a different light on it. I can't tell with the black background.  Good poem.

    Pat

    Posts : 648
    Join date : 2011-09-12

    I hear it as a narrative poem.

    Post  Pat on Mon Feb 29, 2016 5:48 pm

    There is a story, but not until you describe the Bible.  Narrative poetry can be powerful. I am not fond of the title:  it adds very little and who cares how much it weighs?  It would mean more if it was PapPaw's Bible  or  Grandfather's Bible to me. : ) Then, we'd know what's coming too.  Actually the first line could be the title.  In S 1, I see the Bible.  Good.  S 2:  I like how you used "not". Repetition, holding it together.  So in S 1, we see what we have;  S 2, what we don't have.  Easy to follow too.  I'm good with those two Stanzas.   But then, the prose begins.  Stanza 1:  your bible, so in Stanza 3 you could claim it as something that is YOURS.  My way of claiming my legacy:  I open the book to Psalms 23 (just grabbed that out of nowhere) and open my mouth:  The Lord is my Shepherd. . .  show us what you are doing?  The rest will click in because we know it is your Grandfather's bible.  I'd just describe your doings with it.  Maybe use some alliteration or assonance.  Thanks for sharing.

    Dewell H. Byrd

    Posts : 363
    Join date : 2012-01-05
    Age : 87
    Location : Central Point, OR

    THREE POUNDS

    Post  Dewell H. Byrd on Wed Mar 02, 2016 11:55 am

    I love narrative poems... I'm basically a story-teller with my work... and your poem suits me just fine.  That title, "...Three Pounds..." doesn't seem to help the story...
    I find a GREAT MYSTERY opportunity in this poem... What lies between the pages??  The life-time
    collections of Grandpa...
    I like the poem as is and would love to see a companion piece that deals with the mystery!
    I appreciate the emotional overtones in this poem.  Dewell

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