Ode to Camera

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Ode to Camera

Post  Pat on Wed May 25, 2016 2:39 pm

I have edited enough.  Now I need new eyes on this poem, so I can keep on editing. 

Ode to Camera

I slip it out of
a gray hospital sock
protecting it from other objects
in my purse.  All I know is
point and shoot, but
part of me wonders
how sensors capture what
the eye sees, what the soul
memorizes.  I kneel on
knobby knees
at the forest's edge and
frame a blooming dogwood,
spreading its white arms like
a ballet dancer.
Next winter
the snapshots will breathe
spring into me.
For now, back into the sock.

Pat

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Re: Ode to Camera

Post  Don C on Thu May 26, 2016 9:33 am




Ode to Camera

I slip it out
of a gray hospital sock
protecting it
from other objects
in my purse. 

All I know is
point and shoot,
but part of me wonders
how sensors capture
what the eye sees,
what the soul memorizes. 

I kneel
on knobby knees
at the forest's edge
and frame a blooming dogwood,
spreading its white arms
like a ballet dancer.

Next winter
the snapshots will breathe
spring into me.

For now,
back into the sock.

Nice poem, but I think
line and strophe breaks
improve the images and
readability.
Just some thoughts.
Good luch

Don C

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line breaks

Post  tsukany on Thu May 26, 2016 9:44 am

Pat

I think Don has it--line breaks.  I had the first line of the poem ending with ". . . sock."  Whitmanesk

Ode refers to the camera . . . no need for persona.

The jump from "hospital" to forest was too much.  I vote for either setting.
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Re: Ode to Camera

Post  Karen on Thu May 26, 2016 7:52 pm

With the addition of line breaks, I'm satisfied with the poem.  I like the ending.

Todd, I'm at odds with you.  I want the hospital as well as the forest.  In fact, I require it.

I'm not sure I understand "no need for persona."  I'm not being argumentative, just ignorant.  Do you mean keep the first person out of the poem? 

Some days it is painful to be undereducated.  What happens when you let 17-year-olds choose their majors.
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I'm changing the title.

Post  Pat on Sat May 28, 2016 8:27 am

Forget Ode. I don't think I'll be using that word again.  : )    I'm changing it to Camera, My Friend. 
Appreciate all the input.   Reworking stanza breaks.
Ended S 1 with sock.  I like that.
Thanks, Don.  I see what you are saying.
Everyone's input, always helpful.  Thank you. 
Todd, I am also interested in your take on persona.  Feel free to teach us.

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Ode To Camera

Post  Dewell H. Byrd on Sun May 29, 2016 1:26 pm

I like the new title better than the old.... and Don's breaks smooth the poem for me.  It is that blooming dogwood that stops me... are you talking about a dogwood in bloom?  Or a blooming dogwood?   I like an old gray sock better than hospital because hospital brings a smell to mind that interferes with the pristine sense I get at forest's edge.

This poem is definitely a keeper.  Dewell

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For example

Post  tsukany on Sun May 29, 2016 6:01 pm

Just for "re-seeing" the poem.  The persona is in the title "Ode to a Camera."  For me, an Ode is a song of honor to another, like a eulogy.  I am not suggesting this revision is better, it just allows a "re-seeing."  One said remove as much as one can and then put back only that which is necessary to carry the weight of the poem.  (I didn't work on lines or punctuation or capitalization.  Just an exercise)


Ode to Camera

slip it out of a gray hospital sock
protecting the lense from other objects
in a purse.  point and shoot--


the wonders of sensors that capture
what the eye sees, what the soul
memorizes.  at the forest's edge,


frame a dogwood,
spreading its white arms
like a ballet dancer.


Next winter these snapshots
will once again breathe spring.

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Thanks, Todd. . . .

Post  Pat on Sun May 29, 2016 6:55 pm

I appreciate that you took the time to teach me.  Thank you.   It did help me "re-see."  Thank you.  Still blessing and messing with it.  : )

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