The Last Friday

The Last Friday is a poetry editing group. Once a month, we post a poem and then offer feedback to the other poems on the Forum. We're a friendly but honest group. We value each other deeply and desire for every poet to be published or become famous.


    POEM TREE IN AUTUMN

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    Dewell H. Byrd

    Posts : 371
    Join date : 2012-01-05
    Age : 87
    Location : Central Point, OR

    POEM TREE IN AUTUMN

    Post  Dewell H. Byrd on Wed Jul 27, 2016 7:04 pm

    Every poet needs a poem tree.  I drafted this about ten years ago and it just recently resurfaced in one of my journals.  I'm open to any and all help.  It does seem to wander a bit.  What do you see?  Dewell

    POEM TREE IN AUTUMN

    The old Ponderosa Pine
    in my front yard stands solid
    against weather's worst.
    It blocks my view of Mount Pitt,
    challenges me to find
    the poems it harbors.

    It carpets my lawn
    with toast-brown needles,
    chunks of dark bark,
    cones big as my head;
    plugs my nose with pollen.

    It sharpens the wind for winter,
    teaches me new words for loss
    in the language of nature.

    Under a steel-wool mewling sky
    birds rest in its branches
    and await the sun's signal.

    If I sit quietly and listen,
    it sings of autumn,
    drops a casual phrase to my pen.

    -Dewell H. Byrd
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    tsukany

    Posts : 615
    Join date : 2011-05-21

    Love the idea

    Post  tsukany on Fri Jul 29, 2016 10:54 am

    Dewell

    I really like the "poem tree," though I'd rather have a money tree.

    My contributions are small:

    1.  The "it" of the last line in stanza one takes me to the Mountain that holds the poems.
    2.  Stanza two seems to be about visual, yard waste until the last line.
    3.  Wasn't sure what to do with "mewling."  I would chose one or the other adj for that line.
    4.  Seems like the last stanza is in opposition to the "work/challenge" involved in stanza one.  (Perhaps "harbors" is not in the metaphor pool of this poem.)
    5.  Maybe all verbs can point to the "drop" of the line in the closing stanza?

    I need to write one of these "poem tree" poems.

    Thanks!  Smile

    Don C

    Posts : 42
    Join date : 2013-09-24

    {owm Tree in Autumn

    Post  Don C on Sat Jul 30, 2016 11:42 am

    Good job, Dewell. Love the metaphors. Wouldn't change a thing.
    Title is appropriate, and your poemis well articulated.

    Pat

    Posts : 665
    Join date : 2011-09-12

    I am surprised.

    Post  Pat on Sat Jul 30, 2016 10:48 pm

    I understand the first stanza, and I expect the following stanzas to show me poems you have found in the poem tree, but then you go another direction.  You talk about needles, pollen, bark, birds.  Then on the last stanza, we are back to writing and poems.  What dropped from this tree?  What poetry blew off the tree?  What came in Spring, summer, autumn, winter from this tree? I understand the visual images.  Just wondering if you might want to dig deeper.  Dewell, there is probably a reason you put it away for 10 years.  Thanks for pulling it up and out and sharing it.

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