The Last Friday

The Last Friday is a poetry editing group. Once a month, we post a poem and then offer feedback to the other poems on the Forum. We're a friendly but honest group. We value each other deeply and desire for every poet to be published or become famous.


    HOW I BURNED HIM DOWN

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    Karen

    Posts : 283
    Join date : 2014-10-25
    Age : 64
    Location : North Little Rock

    HOW I BURNED HIM DOWN

    Post  Karen on Thu Jul 28, 2016 4:50 am

    And then some days, those other poems ...

    HOW I BURNED HIM DOWN

    I never meant to start the fire.
    It was
    a small experiment.
    Alone, we were the only two.
    He was young and darkling.

    I hadn’t come to feed the geese.
    I sat
    a hundred yards away
    with paper, pen, beside the lake.
    I couldn’t write a line.

    Invisible in dusky shade,
    I arced
    my heat into his hand.
    He felt it, and his fingers moved.
    Slow at first, then faster.

    I never once expected smoke.
    The flame
    was never my intent.
    He seared the page; he couldn’t stop;
    I watched and burned him down.
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    tsukany

    Posts : 586
    Join date : 2011-05-21

    Dramatic situation

    Post  tsukany on Fri Jul 29, 2016 10:46 am

    Karen

    It seems that the dramatic situation is too veiled still. 

    It seems that the persona wrote a poem to a boy and flamed passion within him. 

    Maybe it's the use of negatives to describe what doesn't occur that is tripping me.  What about positive descriptions after stanza one?

    fun stuff.

    Karen

    Posts : 283
    Join date : 2014-10-25
    Age : 64
    Location : North Little Rock

    Re: HOW I BURNED HIM DOWN

    Post  Karen on Fri Jul 29, 2016 3:37 pm

    Hmm.  An interpretation I hadn't considered.  Now I'm anxious to hear from the other poets!

    Don C

    Posts : 42
    Join date : 2013-09-24

    How I burned Him Down

    Post  Don C on Sat Jul 30, 2016 11:58 am

    I am assuming that the indefinite "him" has written the poem for you. Obviously he has inspired a poem that was giving you difficulty. The poem was a sudden inspiration and quickly written.

    You have chosen a form and told your story consistently within that form. Looks good.

    Dewell H. Byrd

    Posts : 351
    Join date : 2012-01-05
    Age : 87
    Location : Central Point, OR

    HOW I BURNED HIM DOWN

    Post  Dewell H. Byrd on Sat Jul 30, 2016 3:55 pm

    I need help, Karen.  Can't quite put a finger on "him"
    My best guess is your "muse"... if that is correct then I like the poem but it is only a guess.  The poem is rather negative... dramatic... powerful at the end...
    Dewell

    Pat

    Posts : 620
    Join date : 2011-09-12

    Looks like a fiery poem to me. . . .

    Post  Pat on Sat Jul 30, 2016 10:27 pm

    Everything is vague though, so I'm guessing.  I think that's why we are guessing here and yon.  I'm wondering why it must be vague?  Does it help the writer?  Is it to the surprise of the writer that such fire comes from his words, his passion?  If the writer cannot write, then the fire comes from elsewhere.  Muse?  Another?  Not sure.  Helpful to the reader if we knew who  HIM is.  Interesting challenge for me.

    Karen

    Posts : 283
    Join date : 2014-10-25
    Age : 64
    Location : North Little Rock

    Re: HOW I BURNED HIM DOWN

    Post  Karen on Sun Jul 31, 2016 6:07 pm

    I apologize for taxing you with a poem that was a playground for me.  It spang from a quote a friend posted.  The somewhat cleaned-up version:

    "I'm still a little irritated I can't fly or set things on fire with my mind."

    My first thought: Oh, but maybe I can ...

    On a literal/supernatural level, the poem was my translating that jazzed-up, red-blood-and-bees feeling of being able to do anything.  The metaphorical level was an experience I had at a Writers' Crawl.  We were writing freeflow, then reading our words aloud.  No comments, no critiques.  My young writing friend Fred was hamstrung, unable to get past the possibility that he would write nothing but dreck, and we would judge him for it.  My thought: What if I could galvanize his hand, causing him to write until his real stories came out?  What if I could set him on fire?

    Todd hit the nail on the head.  Fun stuff.

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