The Last Friday

The Last Friday is a poetry editing group. Once a month, we post a poem and then offer feedback to the other poems on the Forum. We're a friendly but honest group. We value each other deeply and desire for every poet to be published or become famous.


    PERSONAL - take 2

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    Karen

    Posts : 310
    Join date : 2014-10-25
    Age : 65
    Location : North Little Rock

    PERSONAL - take 2

    Post  Karen on Mon Sep 26, 2016 9:18 pm

    Hmm.  I thought I posted this but 'tis nowhere to be found.  Here I go again.  Apologies if I'm double dipping.

    Something a little different for me.

    Karen/Types-With-Two-Fingers (but only on my manual typewriter)


    PERSONAL

    Girl Friday
    seeks Man Friday.

    Objective:
    Weekend Romance

    You:
    Casual or Freaky,
    Good or Thirteen-time Loser.

    Me:
    Open-minded.

    Please make me say
    Thank God It’s You.
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    tsukany

    Posts : 619
    Join date : 2011-05-21

    Formatting

    Post  tsukany on Tue Sep 27, 2016 2:30 pm

    Karen

    I like this poem in tercets:

    Girl Friday
    seeks
    Man Friday.

    . . . 

    Please make me say
    Thank God
    It's you.

    Todd
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    Karen

    Posts : 310
    Join date : 2014-10-25
    Age : 65
    Location : North Little Rock

    Re: PERSONAL - take 2

    Post  Karen on Tue Sep 27, 2016 2:52 pm

    Me, too.

    Suggestion for the 4th one (open-minded)?
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    tsukany

    Posts : 619
    Join date : 2011-05-21

    thoughts

    Post  tsukany on Tue Sep 27, 2016 2:57 pm

    Karen

    I would add another thought completely.  Maybe add something that is evocative too?

    Todd

    Dewell H. Byrd

    Posts : 374
    Join date : 2012-01-05
    Age : 87
    Location : Central Point, OR

    PERSONAL... take 2

    Post  Dewell H. Byrd on Tue Sep 27, 2016 4:29 pm

    I like the tercets idea, too.  Karen, this poem ends too soon for me.  I'd like a "therefore" concept in another stanza.  Thirteenth looser and Thank God its you seem to contradict. Or is the "you" someone not mentioned, just hoped for? 
    I've read lots of media ads and this one I'll remember.
    Thanks for sharing.  Dewell
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    renee.barger

    Posts : 38
    Join date : 2016-09-17

    Colons?

    Post  renee.barger on Wed Sep 28, 2016 11:20 am

    I loved the last stanza. That's when I started to "get it," and I went back and started getting the rest of the poem.
    I wasn't a fan of the colons on the first line of stanzas 2-4, and I'm not sure if I understood the title.
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    Karen

    Posts : 310
    Join date : 2014-10-25
    Age : 65
    Location : North Little Rock

    Re: PERSONAL - take 2

    Post  Karen on Fri Sep 30, 2016 7:26 am

    I wrote this poem in a Poetry on Demand exercise.  I got the prompt on a Friday and the prompt was ... uh ... Friday.  I had fun thinking about "Friday" expressions.  How it ended up as a personal ad is beyond my ken.

    Renee, I expect the expression "personal" is not in common parlance on campus.  The personals were big newspaper fun when I was a teenager, fraught with spice and imagined questions.

    So.  Tonight I'm writing Poetry on Demand at a "Date Night" in the bar of an artisan cheese factory.  Defies explanation.  I've only written Poetry on Demand at farmers' market and art walk sorts of things.  This is my first "commercial" sally.  The mind boggles.

    This little poem is my handout/poetry sample/conversation starter.  Heaven help a poet attempting to engage the public.
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    renee.barger

    Posts : 38
    Join date : 2016-09-17

    Oh!

    Post  renee.barger on Fri Sep 30, 2016 9:55 am

    Oh! That makes sense now. Thanks for the explanation, as I definitely didn't catch that! Smile That sounds like a fun exercise!

    Ben Johnson
    Guest

    TGIF was a favorite of mine

    Post  Ben Johnson on Sat Oct 01, 2016 1:48 pm

    Karen,  I have seen this before.  Maybe at RM.  I think it's good.  Doesn't mince words and lets the mind fill in the blanks.  I think what Todd is pointing out is more about form on the page than changing the thought.  I don't think it needs any more info.  Remember, it is in news paper where words are at a premium. That is part of the persona and I am surprised at Todd wanting to add more when he is the ultimate cut, cut, cut guru of the group.  Good poem.  P.S. thank you for not explaining it before we read it.

    Dennis

    Pat

    Posts : 671
    Join date : 2011-09-12

    I like it.

    Post  Pat on Sun Oct 02, 2016 9:15 pm

    Tercets is a great idea.
    Now, I've lost your poem.... on the stanza you asked about describing Me:   just add some descriptive word like willowy or flip-flopping feet, depending on if you want it fun or not.  I like the open-minded part.  
    Cute idea.

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