The Last Friday

The Last Friday is a poetry editing group. Once a month, we post a poem and then offer feedback to the other poems on the Forum. We're a friendly but honest group. We value each other deeply and desire for every poet to be published or become famous.


    BAPTIZING HOLE

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    Dewell H. Byrd

    Posts : 374
    Join date : 2012-01-05
    Age : 87
    Location : Central Point, OR

    BAPTIZING HOLE

    Post  Dewell H. Byrd on Fri Nov 25, 2016 5:50 pm

    BAPTIZING HOLE... I first drafted this poem, all 31 lines, in 2002 and I've honed it several times since as current size will witness.  I hope to make it a featured poem in a chapbook about growing up in the south.  All comments appreciated.  Dewell

    BAPTIZING HOLE

    Papa sez never go fishing downstream
    From where Rev. Billy Bob does his
    Baptizing.

    Something about catching a catfish
    What's been eating them sins
    That got washed away.

    I paid no never mind; worms, line.
    And cane, bobber, too.
    Leaned back to swat skeeters.

    Caught me one awful big cat.
    Gutted and skinned him out
    As a special gift

    For Miss Utley who flunked me out
    Of seventh grade English class.

         -Dewell H. Byrd

    Pat

    Posts : 671
    Join date : 2011-09-12

    Cute revenge.

    Post  Pat on Sat Nov 26, 2016 8:46 am

    I like the colloquialisms.  Local color everywhere. Rev. Billy or Brother Billy?  Rev seems high class.  Bro seems more earthy.  Still, I got the point.  Fun ending. Easy to read. My best to you with your chapbook.
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    Karen

    Posts : 310
    Join date : 2014-10-25
    Age : 65
    Location : North Little Rock

    Re: BAPTIZING HOLE

    Post  Karen on Sat Nov 26, 2016 2:28 pm

    DANG, I like this. 

    Dewell, I think you've honed it right close to perfection.

    Two things I do want different: 

    Reverend instead of Rev.

    Cane and bobber instead of And cane, bobber

    I admire the spare style of this little tale.  Sets it off to a T.
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    tsukany

    Posts : 619
    Join date : 2011-05-21

    Movement

    Post  tsukany on Mon Nov 28, 2016 5:14 am

    Dewell

    I wonder if the flow of information might benefit from moving stanza three to stanza one.

    I am not convinced of "baptizing" as its own line.

    I believe WORD is not your friend for capitalizing each first word in the line.

    What about something grammatically amiss in the final couplet?

    Good one again

    Todd

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