Easter Egg

Post new topic   Reply to topic

View previous topic View next topic Go down

Easter Egg

Post  tsukany on Mon Dec 26, 2016 10:12 am

Is the Easter Egg buried too deeply in this offering?

Worth More Effort

Past the corner of the porch, one can see
across the yard, lush, verdant, yes,
across the warm, pebbled path, freshly raked,
across three rows of flaming tomatoes,
     staked and sun-hungered, yes, even
across two rows of lettuce, citrine,
     balding heads with bad comb-overs;

one can peer into this black-and-white scene,
    discern a monochrome tree, where at branch end,
drooping and bobbing with the wind, a Delicious,
     maroon, and her cardinal brother, widen
     into a bleached grin
where the khaki silhouette of a doe,
     rips through their crisp skins,
     crunching, surviving
     at their expense.  
That’s it.  That is it.
And on tomorrow’s page
     one can overlook the city.

--Todd Sukany 21 Dec 2016
avatar
tsukany

Posts : 508
Join date : 2011-05-21

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Worth More Effort

Post  Pat on Thu Dec 29, 2016 6:03 pm

S 1.  Nice descriptors.  I like how you held the lines together and repetition, but variety in line length. I think I'd be happy with a period where you have a ; at the end of s 1 since you are going to start S 2.  I guess I don't understand your thinking behind this ;   Why?

I notice that you stay at a distance by using "one" in both stanzas.  General, not getting involved? Like a reporter on tomorrow's page? 

I esp like the Red Delicious and cardinal brother.  Does their in S 2, line 7 refer back to Delicious? That was not especially clear to me.  Crisp makes me think that it is the apples.  Surviving to be eaten.

I very much like the form, Todd. Worth the effort.  : )

Pat

Posts : 538
Join date : 2011-09-12

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: Easter Egg

Post  Karen on Fri Dec 30, 2016 7:32 am

Is the Easter Egg buried too deeply in this offering?  Perhaps.  The first and second readings left me mystifed.  The third and fourth (a day or more later) led me to dig for the mystery.

My question, Todd:

Would I have known where to dig without the initial mention of the Easter Egg?

Granted, I am not well-read.  And my first approach to a poem is typically secular.  Still, a clue to the clueless might be in order.  With the title?  Once I began to "hear" the poem, I was entranced.

I loved sun-hungered and bleached grin.

The line that grabbed and shook me:  That’s it.  That is it.

Thank you for this offering.
avatar
Karen

Posts : 232
Join date : 2014-10-25
Age : 63
Location : North Little Rock

View user profile

Back to top Go down

worth more effort... easter egg?

Post  Dewell H. Byrd on Sat Dec 31, 2016 7:04 pm

You got me scratching my head for meaning, Todd.  But I'm not giving up yet.  Some great phrasing as Pat mentioned and nice biting sensations...  I came away in the last stanza with reading the newspaper, looking over it to a garden scene... then the paper got very political!
Like The Donald, comb-over, flanked by off springs, mugging to a crowd...
OK, back to the poem and more head scratching... Dewell

Dewell H. Byrd

Posts : 305
Join date : 2012-01-05
Age : 86
Location : Central Point, OR

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Riddle me this if you can...

Post  Dennis2012 on Sat Dec 31, 2016 8:59 pm

Riddle me this if you can

A man without eyes
saw pears on a tree
he neither took pears
nor left pears
how can that be

The grin for me was the key
of course             crisp skins didn't hurt          nor crunching    loved delicious 
                                                                                       maroon  cardinal
khaki is a great substitute for camo

A period - me thinks with Pat on that.

Dennis2012

Posts : 13
Join date : 2012-01-11

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Worth More Effort

Post  Dewell H. Byrd on Tue Jan 03, 2017 6:32 pm

Maybe Dennis is on to something with his pear idea.  If so I opt for apples; Red Delicious and Golden delicious... in the poem the word delicious is capitalized...
So, Todd, break this egg open and share your true intent, please.  Dewell

Dewell H. Byrd

Posts : 305
Join date : 2012-01-05
Age : 86
Location : Central Point, OR

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Easter Egg

Post  tsukany on Wed Jan 04, 2017 10:37 am

Dewell et al.

I am thinking of a coloring book and how one can observe the book, imagine the colors, and yet avoid the interaction that produces change.

I wonder if having the "key" can assist your keen eyes to help me make that image appear to the general public.

Thanks in advance

Todd
avatar
tsukany

Posts : 508
Join date : 2011-05-21

View user profile

Back to top Go down

With the key

Post  renee.barger on Wed Jan 04, 2017 10:43 pm

With the key about the coloring book, I understood a little better. However, the only way that I can work an Easter Egg into the poem (and how I interpreted the poem) was that they were looking for eggs in the garden and in the tree. I took "the black and white" to mean that the eggs were out in the open or easy to spot in the tree. I feel like I was way off with what you meant to do with the poem, especially after I read your "key."
avatar
renee.barger

Posts : 32
Join date : 2016-09-17

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Gigantic OOPS!

Post  tsukany on Thu Jan 05, 2017 8:11 am

Poets

Apologies offered.  Imagine this:  Todd was unclear and cryptic. 

Renee helped me realize another of my errors.  From Wikipedia,

"An Easter egg is an intentional inside joke, hidden message, or feature in an interactive work such as a computer program, video game or DVD menu screen. "

The "easter egg" of this poem is the coloring book.  I hint to it with "black-and-white, monochrome, and page." 

Now can anyone help me? 
avatar
tsukany

Posts : 508
Join date : 2011-05-21

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Looking again

Post  Pat on Thu Jan 05, 2017 8:40 am

I guess I need more than hints.  Sorry.  I feel like I need the dumbed-down version or I miss it.  Or maybe only the computer high-techs will see this.  Maybe it is written for me on the earthy level and for the left-brain excelling high-techs on both levels.  It is one level for me.  Even if you explain, I may miss it.  Now Rattle may have people who get it on both levels, but not me.  I need the words coloring book if you want my mind to go that way.  Otherwise, I think about how light comes across the mountains on certain days. Yes, the Easter egg is hidden too deep for me.  It'll have to stink that sulfur smell for me to get curious enough to even hunt for it.

Pat

Posts : 538
Join date : 2011-09-12

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Oops

Post  renee.barger on Thu Jan 05, 2017 9:43 am

I just asked my husband (who also majored in Computer Science), and he knew what an Easter Egg was. I guess I just took it too literal as an "Easter Easter egg." Oops. Very Happy 

Rereading it this morning, I understood it much better. I caught the "tomorrow's page" referencing to the coloring book. But I think I agree that I need more hints that it's a color book. While I saw  all the colors mentioned in the first stanza and then the black and white in the second stanza with imagining the new colors, I didn't understand it was a coloring book.

But, I should let you know that I did see all the colors the first time I read it. So, maybe it won't take that much more to give us clues that it's a coloring book.
avatar
renee.barger

Posts : 32
Join date : 2016-09-17

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Here's the image

Post  tsukany on Thu Jan 05, 2017 10:56 am

This is the picture I used as an inspiration:

http://kidscoloring.net/back-yard-nature-coloring-book/3643
avatar
tsukany

Posts : 508
Join date : 2011-05-21

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Maybe another sip of Earl Grey will be the key

Post  Dennis2012 on Thu Jan 05, 2017 2:36 pm

nope, didn't do it.  I looked at the picture you suggested that inspired you on this and no help, but as I was about to close the site I noticed something at the top of the page--coloring pages!!!
Now had you included that with the "easter egg" thought we might have... Nope, that wouldn't do it for me either.  There are planes and there are plains and I guess we weren't on the one you were.  
With all that foolishness out of the way,  I see the problem here as being one where we--readers--weren't privy to the new usuage for "easter egg." The word "privy" is a prime example of what I mean.  Although archaic, the word refers to an outhouse.  That was my rural knowledge of the word so you can imagine what I thought the first time I heard it used in relationship to private thoughts. 
I'm not sure what I could suggest to bring your "easter egg" meaning to light to anyone reading the poem who isn't familiar with the "new" definition of the words.  Let me say this,  I believe the poem is well conceived and presented in such a manner that it will speak to those on both planes (plains) by imagery and your choice of eye pleasing colors with your special knack of a well-put-together descriptive lines will please any reader.  I have another sip of Earl Grey.  That's where I came in.

Dennis2012

Posts : 13
Join date : 2012-01-11

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: Easter Egg

Post  Sponsored content


Sponsored content


Back to top Go down

View previous topic View next topic Back to top

- Similar topics

Post new topic   Reply to topic
 
Permissions in this forum:
You can reply to topics in this forum