The Last Friday

The Last Friday is a poetry editing group. Once a month, we post a poem and then offer feedback to the other poems on the Forum. We're a friendly but honest group. We value each other deeply and desire for every poet to be published or become famous.

    Struggled in several places


    Posts : 641
    Join date : 2011-05-21

    Struggled in several places Empty Struggled in several places

    Post  tsukany on Fri Jan 27, 2017 5:50 am

    Stirring Testimonial

    Days of warm, wet Missouri
    January, inspire earthworms
    to race across this chat path.

    Eddie and Vic hoochin’ in the porch light
    of the Cleavers for midnight finals.  
    Danny’s T-Bucket rolls past the flames

    of Dusty’s peach Greased Lightin’.
    Flossie Mae and Frenchie fight
    again, forever wanting their poodle

    to catch everyone’s eyes.  Ol’ Man
    Tuscadero dropped one finger
    at the blind and the other on the phone.

    It had to happen just this way
    though no physical evidence
    exists, outside these lengthy skids.

    --Todd Sukany 20 Jan 2017

    Posts : 719
    Join date : 2011-09-12

    Struggled in several places Empty Everything I say here is guess work.

    Post  Pat on Fri Jan 27, 2017 6:08 pm

    I do not know diddly about hot rods except what I've seen at car shows.  My attention is pretty short where cars are concerned.  I knew I have a huge gap in my education. Maybe this poem is about a race?  T bucket race.  They had them in the 20s according to google.  They now have replicas. 
    S 1:  worms race.  I get that stanza. 
    S 2:  Were Eddie and Vic in Leave It to Beaver?  Cleavers were.  Eddie and Wally would be impressed with cars.
    S 3 Sounds like a hot rod race is about to happen.  Greased Lightnin' against Danny's T-bucket. You see, I am guessing at everything, but maybe someone else can get more.  Flossie Mae and Frenchie?  I don't know.  French poodle?  A real poodle or symbolic?  Maybe I did not watch enough T V??? 
    S 4:  ?????  I do not know the name.  Dropped a finger:  a gesture, I'm guessing.
    S 5:  Skids on the pavement from the race?    Stirring testimonial, but no evidence:  I get that. 
    Todd, maybe it's helpful to you to know what we get and don't get.  This is all I can offer. 

    The form looks fine to me.  Someone else's turn.

    Posts : 17
    Join date : 2012-01-11

    Struggled in several places Empty dennis2012

    Post  Dennis2012 on Sat Jan 28, 2017 9:02 am

    Todd,  This poem seems wrapped in nostalgia more than anything else. It wouldn't be easily interpreted by anyone who had not lived in the era and or been avid watchers of "The Beaver."
    I didn't grow up watching "Leave it to Beaver" but have seen some episodes on METV.  I knew Eddie. I did not know Vic, Danny, Dusty, or Tuscadero. Of course, the names aren't that important or relevant in this situation poem. 

    The last stanza is an explanation of what went on, but is totally necessary for me to get the picture.  It was more telling than showing otherwise the title would not have fit the poem.  In defense of this poem, you make us stretch our vision to grasp where you are coming from which is your tutoral talent at work.  I liked the earthworms racing across this "chat path."
    Dewell H. Byrd

    Posts : 385
    Join date : 2012-01-05
    Age : 88
    Location : Central Point, OR

    Struggled in several places Empty Stirring Testimonal

    Post  Dewell H. Byrd on Sun Jan 29, 2017 1:20 pm

    I get it!  Makes sense to me.  Images are great; worms, poodle "skirt", phone... but not sure about type of phone.  And the language seems authentic...
    If it is true that "Half of a good poem is what is not said." this poem is a very good example.  It is a pleasure for me to read this moment in time piece.  Dewell

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