The Last Friday

The Last Friday is a poetry editing group. Once a month, we post a poem and then offer feedback to the other poems on the Forum. We're a friendly but honest group. We value each other deeply and desire for every poet to be published or become famous.


    Poking Around

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    tsukany

    Posts : 586
    Join date : 2011-05-21

    Poking Around

    Post  tsukany on Sat Apr 29, 2017 6:03 pm

    Picture This
    “. . . the change we want . . . .”

    Six children sit in a booth
    at a rally before they march
    into DC to protest
    the temperature of the planet.  

    Four smart phones shine light on youthful faces.  
    Two adults, with drivers licenses,
    hem in the troupe.  Ms. Doe seals the moment
    in her Android.  Mother Teresa framed

    to the wall, Ghandi and the Streep
    share a worldly smile with Nelson
    and the great King steps up to the mic.

    --T.A. Sukany 29 April 2017

    dennis 2012
    Guest

    Racin' with the wind

    Post  dennis 2012 on Sat Apr 29, 2017 9:40 pm

    And the feelin' that I'm under...  I can easily follow the progression in this poem.  I know this would be what would happen in reality. The pictures, I mean, but (and this is tsukany original) it would be so much tighter if you leave out the  middle stanza.  You would have the faction without the human distraction.  It would all be right up there on the big screen and the kids in the back seat eating popcorn.  Good poem.

    Karen

    Posts : 283
    Join date : 2014-10-25
    Age : 64
    Location : North Little Rock

    Re: Poking Around

    Post  Karen on Mon May 01, 2017 8:23 pm

    I would alter nothing about the arrangement of this poem. 

    I love the progression, the feel, the message.

    But ... I would ask you to Google the quote and consider.  I did because I couldn't remember the author.  I was surprised at what I found.

    Pat

    Posts : 620
    Join date : 2011-09-12

    I can picture it.

    Post  Pat on Tue May 02, 2017 12:12 pm

    Every generation will take our words and do something with them.  Especially if we write them or if we are famous.  Wow!  Interesting.  I like each stanza as it is.  Easy to follow. 

    This reminds me of Thomas Lux's satirical poetry.  Well done. . . .

    Dewell H. Byrd

    Posts : 351
    Join date : 2012-01-05
    Age : 87
    Location : Central Point, OR

    Poking Around

    Post  Dewell H. Byrd on Wed May 03, 2017 4:51 pm

    Very modern... technoligiiicly correct.
    I follow the images easily.  Well done... thanks for offering it.
    Makes me want to write about protests Portland.
    Dewell

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    Re: Poking Around

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