Feedback BEFORE June 30th?

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Feedback BEFORE June 30th?

Post  tsukany on Thu Jun 29, 2017 8:07 am

Down with Symbols

One can’t see music, normally.  
Of course, several exist who can
peer into the future, hear black dots

leaping lines, boxes which rest
above and below, but that’s
the musical score.  Vibrations

enter the auditory canal like gondolas,
without a singing gondolier of course,
tickle hairs in the inner ear, and jiggle

nerve endings connected to pleasure
centers across the human anatomy.  
Violent reactions occur in the weak,

demonstrated best at baseball games
during inning breaks.  Other offenses
look like hands over hearts and hands

removing head coverings, or silly
kneelings of protest.  True believers
would never have a radio blaring

as harmony to darting through
Bernstein's Ten Commandments.

--Todd Sukany 29 June 2017
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Down with Symbols

Post  Pat on Thu Jun 29, 2017 6:54 pm

I'm putting you first because of the 30th date.

Good one.  Easy to read, easy to follow.  (I like that.)  I was with you before:  and that's the musical score.  I love all the ear info.  Scientific, but I love it. I am taking the rest of it as satire like Lux does. Hope I'm on the right track.  I love that soundtrack of that movie!  I focus on the hearing. . .  and then you take me to images . . of the weak-hearted (God love them!) in the visual.  Music, for sure. I wondered about the couplet at the end.  Then, I decided it fits!  
I look forward to what others have to say.

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down with symbols

Post  Dewell H. Byrd on Thu Jun 29, 2017 10:09 pm

A fine poem, Todd.
Not all symbols should go, there is the flag... cross...
I like that hand... hand image.
My only suggestion is to play down the scientific... leads me astray.

 enjoyed the "meat" in this offering. Dewell

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Re: Feedback BEFORE June 30th?

Post  Karen on Fri Jun 30, 2017 7:01 am

The scientific led me astray as well.  Good stuff, but perhaps a trail marker early on?  It wouldn't have to be a great log across the wrong turn - just a bit of flour marking the right way.

A timely subject.
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Thanks everyone

Post  tsukany on Fri Jun 30, 2017 7:08 am

This is my commentary on 


http://www.cbsnews.com/news/arkansas-ten-commandments-monument-destroyed-vehicle/
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In light of the article,

Post  Pat on Fri Jun 30, 2017 8:58 am

I am rereading the poem again.  More to ponder.

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Just one more thought. . . .

Post  Pat on Fri Jun 30, 2017 10:13 pm

I remember an interview I read with Kay Ryan.  She does her research sometimes before she writes the poem.  She can be quite scientific in a poem, using a term or two in the poem like isotopes.  I just reread a few of her poems that are skinny and two of them are somewhat scientific. I am also fond of Kooser's poetry.  The vibration part of your poem, Todd, reminds me a little bit of one of his poems.  I'm not finding it, but it is about something sleeping in his hairy ear?  : )  It's clever and unusual.  Anyway, it is a bit scientific as I recall.  

Todd, you put the science and the satire together.  Not everyone can do that.  I don't remember Ryan or Kooser doing that, but Lux certainly can.  I hope you will check out Ryan and Lux.  What makes them so memorable is that they do this poetry thing another way.

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Re: Feedback BEFORE June 30th?

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