You can't make this stuff up. . . .

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You can't make this stuff up. . . .

Post  Pat on Thu Jun 29, 2017 6:34 pm

Long, like the reunion always is. . . . .  but my focus this year was on the little ones.  What fun! (Hoping everyone likes kids like I do. : )  

Little Ones at a Family Reunion
 
They meander through columns
of legs belonging to relatives
focused on visiting and carrying
plates of spaghetti, chicken,
potatoes, pudding. I want to defend
the little ones stumbling around
and into chairs, doors, tables. Since
they are pulled toward birdsong,
laughter, noise, there is bounty.
Since they bring rich innocence,
I am slow to focus on grownups
trying to call the crowd together.
Since little ones call out, “Mama!”
they have my full attention.
Since they toddle about, touching
everything they pass with sticky
fingers, I am entertained.
Since they are faster and lower
to the floor, they are quick
to pick up crumbs and put them
in mouths before hearing, “No, no.”
Since cell phones lay on tables,
little fingers do not hesitate.
Since you don’t have to tell them,
they choose whom they hug.
Since if there is a hot dog left
on the plate, they will give it to you.
Since if two of them play together
and you watch, you run the risk
of being blinded by radiance.
Since it’s already built into them,
they hurry toward the bright light
to smile for family photos, to find
a colorful bug, to build a bird nest.

Pat

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Blocks of text

Post  tsukany on Fri Jun 30, 2017 7:14 am

Pat

I find blocks of text intimidating.  I added stanzas and cut the first sentence.  I wonder what you might see as it is more open to the "since."

Little Ones at a Family Reunion
 
I want to defend
the little ones stumbling around
and into chairs, doors, tables.

Since they are pulled toward birdsong,
laughter, noise, there is bounty.

Since they bring rich innocence,
I am slow to focus on grownups
trying to call the crowd together.

Since little ones call out, “Mama!”
they have my full attention.

Since they toddle about, touching
everything they pass with sticky
fingers, I am entertained.

Since they are faster and lower
to the floor, they are quick
to pick up crumbs and put them
in mouths before hearing, “No, no.”

Since cell phones lay on tables,
little fingers do not hesitate.

Since you don’t have to tell them,
they choose whom they hug.

Since if there is a hot dog left
on the plate, they will give it to you.

Since if two of them play together
and you watch, you run the risk
of being blinded by radiance.

Since it’s already built into them,
they hurry toward the bright light
to smile for family photos, to find
a colorful bug, to build a bird nest.
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tsukany

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Re: You can't make this stuff up. . . .

Post  Karen on Fri Jun 30, 2017 7:25 am

I commented on the timeliness of Todd's topic - but this is timely as well.  Seasonally timely!  I run past at least one reunion a weekend in our parks.  No telling who belongs to whom, but no doubt they belong together.  

I both like and don't-like that the title tells me exactly what to expect.  You make it easy for me to jump into the poem, but I feel like the title does a disservice to the poem.  I campaign for the title You Can't Make This Stuff Up, and demoting the current title to first line of the poem.

Little ones at the family reunion:
they meander ...

I also lobby for line breaks.  I don't know that natural breaks are required, but please cut my meatloaf for me.  Chunks of 4, 5 or 6 lines would make this poem easier to bite.

Love it!
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Re: You can't make this stuff up. . . .

Post  Karen on Fri Jun 30, 2017 7:27 am

That makes 2 of us wanting our meatloaf cut!
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Great feedback. . .

Post  Pat on Fri Jun 30, 2017 8:35 am

helpful. . . . after the storm passes. . . .

Pat

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you can't make this stuff up

Post  Dewell H. Byrd on Fri Jun 30, 2017 8:43 pm

I like Karen's title.  Yes, line breaks otherwise the "since"
bogs this reader down...
And Todd did a nice job of blocking... now it reads smooth.
I like the way you handled the subject... warm, sensitive, humorous...

Sunburn and mosquitos for everyone... Dewell

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Re: You can't make this stuff up. . . .

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