The Last Friday

The Last Friday is a poetry editing group. Once a month, we post a poem and then offer feedback to the other poems on the Forum. We're a friendly but honest group. We value each other deeply and desire for every poet to be published or become famous.


    late to the party ... deconstructed mixed nuts

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    Karen

    Posts : 281
    Join date : 2014-10-25
    Age : 64
    Location : North Little Rock

    late to the party ... deconstructed mixed nuts

    Post  Karen on Sat Jul 29, 2017 5:19 pm

    I'm late!

    deconstructed mixed nuts

    widow’s trick
    store in the freezer
    only thaw a cup
    fresher that way

    cashews for Chinese
    pecans for sorbet
    almonds for everything
    sift the loose salt

    Filberts pointless
    Brazils a blessing
    don’t put up with
    peanuts now

    Pat

    Posts : 610
    Join date : 2011-09-12

    Nuts!

    Post  Pat on Sun Jul 30, 2017 3:10 pm

    Deconstructed.  Okay, but I totally stopped.  Maybe sorted?  Separated?

    I'd drop 'now' in the last line.  It weakens what you just said.

    Peanuts, no need to apply because you are not wanted.

    Easy to understand, even offering helpful hints.

    Might suggest:  sift salt.

    Made me smile.

    Dennis 2012
    Guest

    A mixed bag

    Post  Dennis 2012 on Sun Jul 30, 2017 7:52 pm

    Karen,  I like the trivial subject.  It means with eyes and ears open we can find a poem anywhere. That said,  The line that I see that don't fit is, "don't put up with."  However, on reading it for the tenth time, ( I had to read it about three times to get it ) I believe you inserted the salt line in the wrong place.  Continue with the filberts and brazils then start the last stanza with "sift the salt" and follow it with the peanut comment.  I know that breaks up the symmetry but it keeps the nuts together.  After all, we nuts stick together.  Good poem

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