The Last Friday

The Last Friday is a poetry editing group. Once a month, we post a poem and then offer feedback to the other poems on the Forum. We're a friendly but honest group. We value each other deeply and desire for every poet to be published or become famous.


    early and late

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    Karen

    Posts : 287
    Join date : 2014-10-25
    Age : 64
    Location : North Little Rock

    early and late

    Post  Karen on Sat Aug 19, 2017 2:41 pm

    Hello Poets!

    I am an early poster but perhaps a late responder.  Driving tomorrow morning into the wilds of totality for the solar eclipse.  Should I spontaneously combust, know I love you all.

    midsummer fox

    digs uffishly
    for ditch-mice
    startles at my step

    quick as a flick
    he gimbles away
    through tulgey wood

    flies fox-flag flame
    chortles silently
    callooh!  callay!
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    tsukany

    Posts : 592
    Join date : 2011-05-21

    Nice allusion

    Post  tsukany on Wed Aug 23, 2017 6:21 am

    Karen

    I like this fun.  It reads fun and literally at the same time.  

    I stumble at the alliteration of line one stanza three.  Is it forced?

    Todd
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    Karen

    Posts : 287
    Join date : 2014-10-25
    Age : 64
    Location : North Little Rock

    Re: early and late

    Post  Karen on Wed Aug 23, 2017 8:14 am

    Flies flaming flag?
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    tsukany

    Posts : 592
    Join date : 2011-05-21

    well?

    Post  tsukany on Wed Aug 23, 2017 8:21 am

    Karen

    Are you trying to say "he gimbles away with his tail a flame of fire"?
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    Karen

    Posts : 287
    Join date : 2014-10-25
    Age : 64
    Location : North Little Rock

    Re: early and late

    Post  Karen on Wed Aug 23, 2017 8:28 am

    I am.  If you have to ask, my guess is I haven't managed to say it yet.
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    tsukany

    Posts : 592
    Join date : 2011-05-21

    the fun

    Post  tsukany on Wed Aug 23, 2017 8:31 am

    Karen

    The fun of the poem is in the allusion and use of special words.  No reason to draw attention to a line that contains none of those type words.  I say, "State it simply so we can focus on the Jabberwocky." Smile

    Todd
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    Karen

    Posts : 287
    Join date : 2014-10-25
    Age : 64
    Location : North Little Rock

    Re: early and late

    Post  Karen on Wed Aug 23, 2017 9:11 am

    Brillig.

    Dennis 2012
    Guest

    The quick red fox jumps...

    Post  Dennis 2012 on Fri Aug 25, 2017 7:58 pm

    Karen,  neat poem.  I have been seeing a fox in my back yard.  I don't know his intent, however, twice I have spooked him off my flatbed trailer.  
    I like your short poem. It has good imagery. I drew a blank with the word tulgey, but it sounds like a woodsey word. In fact,  I like the uffish, chortles, gimbles as you use them.  It brings the fox to life doing fox things. Now, for the stumble for me: flies fox-flag flame.  That doesn't go with this poem, or at least not for me.  I can't come up with a good nerdy-word here, but I think it needs that changed to just, "with flag aflame he chortles silently" or something simple.  As it is, that phrase distracts me.
    Good poem.
     
    Did you know if school kids eat their pencils, they are all No. 2   Good point!!
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    Karen

    Posts : 287
    Join date : 2014-10-25
    Age : 64
    Location : North Little Rock

    Re: early and late

    Post  Karen on Fri Aug 25, 2017 8:42 pm

    It's clear flies fox-flag flame must go.  It was already bothering me before it starting bothering Todd and Dennis.

    Poets, help!

    Dewell H. Byrd

    Posts : 356
    Join date : 2012-01-05
    Age : 87
    Location : Central Point, OR

    Early And Late...

    Post  Dewell H. Byrd on Sat Aug 26, 2017 1:29 pm

    A real fun poem.  I read it aloud and got more kick out of it than silent read.  Yes, fox tail is a problem.
    Out here our foxes are gray and they tuck their tails when they run.  I like how you say so much with so little ink.  Dewell

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