The Last Friday

The Last Friday is a poetry editing group. Once a month, we post a poem and then offer feedback to the other poems on the Forum. We're a friendly but honest group. We value each other deeply and desire for every poet to be published or become famous.


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Title: "Soul Math"

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Markus

Posts : 10
Join date : 2018-02-22

Title: "Soul Math"

Post  Markus on Sat Feb 24, 2018 8:20 pm

Soul Math
 
“I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief.”
                                                Mark 9: 24
 
My trouble was not,
the Rabbi told me,
breaking this balance of 50% faith
and 50 doubt,
as I had thought,
this climbing up
the cliff of faith
to 51%—
49 of doubt—
and hope to reach
with groan and grit
72 of faith
to 28,
as they add up.
 
He whispered
to my ear
I didn’t need
5%
to say
I hurt
and then
to look
Lord Godward,
which,
He said,
was faith
enough,
the bottom line.

Pat

Posts : 620
Join date : 2011-09-12

Nice poem

Post  Pat on Sat Feb 24, 2018 11:25 pm

I like the skinny poem.
Easy to understand.  Universal.  Haven't we all been there? 
I was distracted with a % sign sometimes and sometimes not.  I'd be consistent:  % registered with me.
I thought of doubting Thomas, of course.
Lord Godward???  awkward for me.  Maybe Lord God or Godward??
I don't need the last line.  (You've said it.)
which (near the bottom).  Do you need that? 
Last 8 lines:  might be summarized: 
             and that /was /faith enough.
Good one.
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tsukany

Posts : 586
Join date : 2011-05-21

Re: Title: "Soul Math"

Post  tsukany on Sun Feb 25, 2018 9:24 am

Markus

I would hyphenate Godward as God-ward and have that be the last word of the poem.

Todd

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