The Last Friday

The Last Friday is a poetry editing group. Once a month, we post a poem and then offer feedback to the other poems on the Forum. We're a friendly but honest group. We value each other deeply and desire for every poet to be published or become famous.


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Just a thought with a long title

tsukany
tsukany

Posts : 641
Join date : 2011-05-21

Just a thought with a long title Empty Just a thought with a long title

Post  tsukany on Wed May 23, 2018 3:17 pm

do you suppose to write of theme--a lofty goal

to spend a score of latter years in silence
cloister in an upper room--a father stoic

hard-shell household--some papers close
to your breast--shy unannounced

largely unread until a century turns
without your comment on sunshine--

love--pressed like a nose to tempered glass
aware of so much suffering  aware of so much

--T.A. Sukany 15 May 2018
renee.barger
renee.barger

Posts : 65
Join date : 2016-09-17

Just a thought with a long title Empty sounds like music

Post  renee.barger on Wed May 23, 2018 10:51 pm

This poem sounded like music to me when I read it. I know I usually miss the main thing your poems are trying to say, but what I got was a guy wanted to write of lofty things, but he never shared his work or  maybe couldn't quite get the right words put together on paper. He's so aware of the world's heartache though. Even if that's not what you meant to say, I really liked this poem. It sounds so pretty to me. I smiled as I was reading it and was hooked in the first line.
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Willie Shaketon
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Just a thought with a long title Empty silence til the last

Post  Willie Shaketon on Thu May 24, 2018 7:05 am

Todd,  I picture Emily.  pressed like a nose to a tempered glass---great stuff
 
Dennis
Karen
Karen

Posts : 320
Join date : 2014-10-25
Age : 65
Location : North Little Rock

Just a thought with a long title Empty Re: Just a thought with a long title

Post  Karen on Thu May 24, 2018 10:14 pm

O Dear Puzzler,

This poem seems suspended in time.  I love that I could be convinced it was written a hundred years ago as easily as 15 May 2018.  There was no language that tied it unfailingly to either period.  And yay hooray, I did not find it puzzling in a taxing way.  Perhaps I only saw the outermost layer, but it pleased me all the same.

The title made me fear I would be lost, but I found my way.

... a century turns/without your comment on sunshine ... 

Yes, thank you.
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Pat

Posts : 719
Join date : 2011-09-12

Just a thought with a long title Empty I'll come back to this one. . . .

Post  Pat on Fri May 25, 2018 11:16 am

Need to sit with it.
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Dewell H. Byrd

Posts : 385
Join date : 2012-01-05
Age : 88
Location : Central Point, OR

Just a thought with a long title Empty JUST A THOUGHT...

Post  Dewell H. Byrd on Sat May 26, 2018 11:45 am

A pleasure to read this poem, Todd.
So musical and imaginative century to century .
And if I found today what I wrote an hundred
years ago I probably would not totally understand it
or be able to match it.  Dewell
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Pat

Posts : 719
Join date : 2011-09-12

Just a thought with a long title Empty I'd send it to Poetry Mag

Post  Pat on Sat May 26, 2018 2:57 pm

It has assonance, music, loftiness, puzzle, heartache. 

The reader will take what he likes or understands.  Nothing wrong with that.  I do that all the time with poems.

Couplets appealed to me.

A century turns.

Poetry mag.  I think they'd like it.

Seems edgy enough for them.
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Pat

Posts : 719
Join date : 2011-09-12

Just a thought with a long title Empty Just so you know how my mind runs. . . .

Post  Pat on Sat May 26, 2018 3:01 pm

I couldn't help but also think about the Upper Room, suffering on the cross, God the Father, how great the suffering was.  Scribes, the first century. . . . etc.
me, trying to puzzle out the suffering.  And it goes on and on. . .
tsukany
tsukany

Posts : 641
Join date : 2011-05-21

Just a thought with a long title Empty Whoa!

Post  tsukany on Sat May 26, 2018 3:11 pm

Pat

That is an angle I have to contemplate too.  Nice!!!

Thanks

Todd
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Pat

Posts : 719
Join date : 2011-09-12

Just a thought with a long title Empty If you link it with one more noun, I think everyone will be able to link it. . . .

Post  Pat on Sat May 26, 2018 4:59 pm

well, if you want them to.   Razz
tsukany
tsukany

Posts : 641
Join date : 2011-05-21

Just a thought with a long title Empty Response

Post  tsukany on Sat May 26, 2018 6:51 pm

Pat

I did not have that in mind for the poem.  I would have to change the title for sure.

Todd
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Pat

Posts : 719
Join date : 2011-09-12

Just a thought with a long title Empty As you can see, Todd,

Post  Pat on Sat May 26, 2018 7:01 pm

we add our own thing anyway. 

Readers make it fit. 

It works both ways for me.

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