The Last Friday

The Last Friday is a poetry editing group. Once a month, we post a poem and then offer feedback to the other poems on the Forum. We're a friendly but honest group. We value each other deeply and desire for every poet to be published or become famous.


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Trying your suggestions. : )

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Pat

Posts : 665
Join date : 2011-09-12

Trying your suggestions. : )

Post  Pat on Sat Jun 30, 2018 2:54 pm

Common Miracles


Then there’s breath
and fancydancing
going on inside my body,
cells galloping,
wild horses to finger snaps.


Am I making too much of the ordinary?
Every day, they pop out of nowhere:
ditch lilies, floorboards creaking,
salt, talk, babies, a somersault, 
a haunting afterthought.   

Dewell H. Byrd

Posts : 371
Join date : 2012-01-05
Age : 87
Location : Central Point, OR

COMMON MIRACLES

Post  Dewell H. Byrd on Sat Jun 30, 2018 5:06 pm

I like your rewrite except some of the flow from the original
seems to be missing.

Poem reminds me of "SOME OF MY FAVORITE THINGS"
I'm looking for more threads among the items mentioned.
Do you see what I mean?  More theme, maybe.

Super subject... often written about... small miracles.

Have you read "EVERYTHING I NEED TO KNOW I LEARNED
IN KINDERGARTEN"?  Full of small miracles.  Dewell
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