The Last Friday

The Last Friday is a poetry editing group. Once a month, we post a poem and then offer feedback to the other poems on the Forum. We're a friendly but honest group. We value each other deeply and desire for every poet to be published or become famous.


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Hope this is not too short for a title for this post ok LastFriday.forum?

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tsukany

Posts : 615
Join date : 2011-05-21

Hope this is not too short for a title for this post ok LastFriday.forum?

Post  tsukany on Wed Aug 01, 2018 7:56 am

Infinity

Children know with all certainty the powers of grandpa.
He can craft two rifles from scrap lumber,
polish them with shoe goo, point the combatants
out to the safety at the edge of the garden
                           between the plum trees.
Lures swallowed by sunfish.
Turtles ducking under lily pads.
Walking uphill against traffic.
Deer trails off to the south.
Lugging enough water
      for a journey on the trails.
One voice cutting through the windstorm of uncertainty
                  near Redding,
“Grandpa.  You need to come.
The fire is coming at our house now.”
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Karen

Posts : 309
Join date : 2014-10-25
Age : 64
Location : North Little Rock

Re: Hope this is not too short for a title for this post ok LastFriday.forum?

Post  Karen on Wed Aug 01, 2018 2:29 pm

Would you consider a title that sets the stage (Wildfire Near Redding?) and ending with Grandpa.  You need to come?

I know what you mean by shoe goo, but I am honor-bound to tell you Shoe Goo is a glue Arkansas folks use to repair shoes.  Much like super glue, its lifespan starts to shrink as soon as you crack the seal.  An opened tube goes hand-to-hand and house-to-house to get the use out of it before it hardens.

A timely poem and a good one.

Pat

Posts : 665
Join date : 2011-09-12

Wildfire poem

Post  Pat on Fri Aug 03, 2018 6:54 am

Todd, I love this poem.  Perfect for Rattle's Poets Respond?

I like everything except the title.  (My dislike has nothing to do with length. : )  It does not intrigue me or help me.  Maybe it is overused?  I pushed myself to think higher and bigger, but no, I would be more down to earth with title.  I like Karen's suggestion.

The poem is sweet and urgent and REAL.   

Yes, I think you need to send to Rattle.  : )   

And thanks for responding to my poem.  Hooray, you found it!

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