The Last Friday

The Last Friday is a poetry editing group. Once a month, we post a poem and then offer feedback to the other poems on the Forum. We're a friendly but honest group. We value each other deeply and desire for every poet to be published or become famous.


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Quick Read of a Quick Write

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tsukany

Posts : 615
Join date : 2011-05-21

Quick Read of a Quick Write

Post  tsukany on Fri Aug 31, 2018 3:25 pm

In the Valley of Sidewalk 

Tall.  Taller.  Towering
above.  Not Vesuvius
but more mountain
than the neighbor ants’. 
      Of course.
Eventually.  Inevitably.
The stalk will outgrow
its small-town roots,
feeding on photosynthesis,
rejecting the oxygen
found in lines 
      of sunshine
until the head explodes
flying in every direction.

--T.A. Sukany 31 Aug 2018

Dewell H. Byrd

Posts : 371
Join date : 2012-01-05
Age : 87
Location : Central Point, OR

In The Valley of Sidewalk

Post  Dewell H. Byrd on Fri Aug 31, 2018 9:21 pm

Oh, I do like this.
Simple and sweet.
All my neighbours shudder when wind whispers "Angel Parachutes"
from my lawn to theirs.
May your dandy--lions be abundant.
Dewell

Pat

Posts : 665
Join date : 2011-09-12

Valley of Sidewalks

Post  Pat on Sat Sep 01, 2018 8:41 am

I like the short lines. The noun descriptors.  The mere mention of Vesuvius took me to volcano.  Great metaphor.  My mind can follow this.  Neighbor's ants':   Very Happy  Good and helpful.  The head explodes. . . this works for plant and Vesuvius.  Dangerous if Vesuvius blows.  I like the fun of this poem. I don't see anything needing any help.  Indentions:  good.  Even the adverbs work for you.  Good one!
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Karen

Posts : 309
Join date : 2014-10-25
Age : 64
Location : North Little Rock

Re: Quick Read of a Quick Write

Post  Karen on Sat Sep 01, 2018 4:02 pm

I vote yea and yay, too!  Love the title.  

Only one line gave me pause: Of course.  My first reading hitched it to the line above, and puzzled me for a moment.  It was easy to see where it goes on second reading.  Is there a remedy?

... until the head explodes/flying in every direction.  You made me giggle-snort a little.

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