Homesickness

(I've been struggling for just the right words here.  S 4:  do I dump that line or keep it?  What else?

Homesickness

You asked about my mood.

It's hard to cover
such a longing
when there's a mist hanging,
a distant dove cooing,
and I'm swallowing gray sky.

Images appear
of brothers, sisters, girlfriends
no longer with us.

All, graduated from life on earth.

The smell of coffee
stirs more sweet sorrow
embedded in my bones.

Something about a damp day.

Would you consider omitting You asked about my mood?  This poem takes me inside your mood, and I kept worrying back to the person in L2.  

Something about a damp day could be a worthy title.  I do want homesickness in the poem though.  It's important, and has a different feel from grief.  You've caught that here.

I'm swallowing gray sky would be a killer final line.

Title is OK but first line seems weak... look for a line that dives right into the mood.  I have none to offer.

I prefer friends instead of girlfriends.  A little more universal... leaves more room for the reader.

Karen's idea for an end line is perfect.

Good, clean images.  Well done, Friend. 
A little sunshine may winnow away that mood.  Dewell

Thank you, Karen and Dewell.  
Anyone else, read this version please.


Something About A Damp Day

 
It’s hard to cover
such a longing
on a still morning
when there’s a mist hanging,
a distant dove cooing.

 
Images appear
of brothers, sisters, friends
no longer here.

 
All, graduated from life on earth.

 
The smell of coffee
stirs more homesickness
embedded deep in my bones.

 
I swallow a gray sky.

Pat

I like that you followed Karen's lead.  I lobby to cut "no longer here" as a telling line and let the next line replace it as a showing line.

What about three tercets?

Something about a Damo Day

Such longing on a still morning
when mist hangs, and
a distant dove coos.

Images appear of brothers,
sisters, friends all
graduated from life on earth.

The smell of coffee
stirs more homesickness.
I swallow a gray sky.

I am forever surprised at your good eyes and wisdom.

I thank you!  

Yes.  

Pat