The Last Friday

The Last Friday is a poetry editing group. Once a month, we post a poem and then offer feedback to the other poems on the Forum. We're a friendly but honest group. We value each other deeply and desire for every poet to be published or become famous.


  • Post new topic
  • Reply to topic

from the front porch

Share
avatar
Karen

Posts : 306
Join date : 2014-10-25
Age : 64
Location : North Little Rock

from the front porch

Post  Karen on Wed Sep 26, 2018 7:41 am

from the front porch

it is the hottest hot of summer
and just now dusk
with a breath of lightning bugs

across the street
Mike-who-kills-cowbirds
and Mrs. H. who never speaks
talk over
the last seventy-five years

I watch the bloody moon
brush my teeth
a shadow
in the church-pew dark

Pat

Posts : 655
Join date : 2011-09-12

from the front porch

Post  Pat on Thu Sep 27, 2018 4:33 pm

Line 1-  I wonder about dropping:  It is. . .  and hold the rest.
Line 3- a breath or a flicker?  What are you getting from them?  Breath is a pretty word to me but vague.
I love:  Mike-who-kills-cowbirds
Mrs H. works for me
I love that talks over and who never speaks are close together
Struggling with 3rd stanza. 3 images:  a moon brushing my teeth.  Not sure. Do you need brushing my teeth? That takes me away to another place.  May just be me.
Blood moon and church-pew dark.  I don't guess I know how dark church-pew dark is.  Is it black?  
I wonder if you are listening to their memories or is it mumbly? Are you in the church-pew dark?  
You take me there easily.  I have watched and heard intimate things from a front porch before.  Echoes. Great title.

Dewell H. Byrd

Posts : 367
Join date : 2012-01-05
Age : 87
Location : Central Point, OR

from the front porch

Post  Dewell H. Byrd on Fri Sep 28, 2018 8:41 pm

Stanzas one and two read well, please my eye and the title is fitting.
lightning bugs?  Here on the left coast we call them fireflies.

I need some help on that last stanza... I'm confused.
Extract the teeth...
Whisper might serve better than shadow...
Church-pew dark would be a great line in another poem.

You always entertain me with brevity and power.
Dewell

(Where is that Alexander Guy?  I miss his critiques.)

Pat

Posts : 655
Join date : 2011-09-12

Church-pew dark

Post  Pat on Sat Sep 29, 2018 6:22 am

I'm still thinking about that phrase.  
Karen, does it mean "I don't get what is said in church sometimes."
It sticks with me.  I like the rubbing together of two unusual words.
avatar
tsukany

Posts : 609
Join date : 2011-05-21

I will break it, break it good

Post  tsukany on Sat Sep 29, 2018 8:29 am

Karen

If I break the last stanza, maybe you can see more clearly its repair:

I brush my teeth
watch the bloody moon
I, a shadow,
in the church-pew dark

Interesting that the persona is darker than dark in the place of light.  Good fun here.

Todd
avatar
Karen

Posts : 306
Join date : 2014-10-25
Age : 64
Location : North Little Rock

Re: from the front porch

Post  Karen on Sat Sep 29, 2018 9:19 am

I so value the friendship of this forum.  As I read what each of us has written to the other, I appreciate the honesty and care in our responses.

Dewell, thank you for whisper.

Pat, thank you for loving never speaks and talk over as I do.

Todd, thank you for tuning into my church-pew dark, the crux and crucible.  It is my literal observation point and refuge, the uncomfortable straight-back bench where I soak my soul.

If only the prayers it held before it knew me could strengthen mine.

Pat

Posts : 655
Join date : 2011-09-12

Oh Karen....

Post  Pat on Sat Sep 29, 2018 11:00 am

You are precious.  Thank you.

Like you, I value each one who helps me become a better poet.

Pat

Sponsored content

Re: from the front porch

Post  Sponsored content

  • Post new topic
  • Reply to topic

Current date/time is Tue Oct 23, 2018 11:56 pm