The Last Friday

The Last Friday is a poetry editing group. Once a month, we post a poem and then offer feedback to the other poems on the Forum. We're a friendly but honest group. We value each other deeply and desire for every poet to be published or become famous.


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What’s in My Honda

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Karen

Posts : 309
Join date : 2014-10-25
Age : 64
Location : North Little Rock

What’s in My Honda

Post  Karen on Mon Oct 22, 2018 5:59 am

(after What's in My Journal, by William Stafford)

What’s in My Honda

Directions to places
I’ll never go again.
Car wash quarters.
Bottled water.
Trash bags.

Nail brush
to scrub my shoes
in the creek.
Old newspapers
for when I don’t.

Flip-flops.
My dead husband’s
sweatshirt parka.
Slivers of soap.
Work gloves.

Protein bars
for the homeless,
who would rather have
a hamburger
or the quarters.

Two church keys.
A lug wrench.
Three umbrellas.
Four notebooks.
Because you never know.

Pat

Posts : 665
Join date : 2011-09-12

I like it. . . .only one change.

Post  Pat on Sun Oct 28, 2018 7:06 am

Karen, I so like the nail brush for the shoes! 

Easy to relate to the poem.
I like the realness of it. 
  
Because you never know. . . . 
maybe it's the word because that I don't care for.  
I might lobby for this:  
Four notebooks---
in case words come again.

---offers me hope.  I want you to leave me with hope.

Thank you.

Dewell H. Byrd

Posts : 371
Join date : 2012-01-05
Age : 87
Location : Central Point, OR

WHATS IN MY HONDA

Post  Dewell H. Byrd on Sun Oct 28, 2018 4:15 pm

We are a Honda family... except them kids whats been messed with.

Third stanza could be deleted... would add to the flow for me... I don't like the dead husband line...

Two church keys... YES!  That dates you... they are not needed much anymore.

No weapon?  No GRAB-N-GO Bag?

Think I'll go look in my car and compare items to contents in Elsa's car.

I like your poem, Karen.... Dewell
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tsukany

Posts : 615
Join date : 2011-05-21

Well done

Post  tsukany on Mon Oct 29, 2018 10:34 am

Karen

I like the poem as written.  The lines that wrap the intro idea into another redeem each stanza.  For me, the dead husband is a tone line that I need.

Thanks

Todd

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Current date/time is Tue Nov 20, 2018 9:34 pm