The Last Friday

The Last Friday is a poetry editing group. Once a month, we post a poem and then offer feedback to the other poems on the Forum. We're a friendly but honest group. We value each other deeply and desire for every poet to be published or become famous.


    I like the sounds in this poem. Is the content clear?

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    tsukany

    Posts : 592
    Join date : 2011-05-21

    I like the sounds in this poem. Is the content clear?

    Post  tsukany on Fri Jul 27, 2012 8:00 am

    Positioning

    If I were a snakebird
    I would stretch my wings

    to dry, for all to see, for me
    to soak-in the heat of a Florida

    July morning. My image
    would grace this ‘glade

    and break the gray weather-
    won trunks, boasting their satisfied

    ‘cane survivals to the ecosystem
    below the surface. Yet, I run to the relative
    safety of this room to type.

    --Sukany 26 July 2012

    Dewell H. Byrd

    Posts : 356
    Join date : 2012-01-05
    Age : 87
    Location : Central Point, OR

    Positioning by Todd

    Post  Dewell H. Byrd on Fri Jul 27, 2012 10:11 am

    I enjoy reading this poem aloud. Elsa likes it too. However, the last line of S 4 and first two lines of S 5 leave us confused as to meaning. Todd, is it weather won or weather worn?

    Is your typing Pat's gravy? Dewell

    Pat

    Posts : 630
    Join date : 2011-09-12

    I like the sounds too. . .

    Post  Pat on Sat Jul 28, 2012 1:38 pm

    alliterative and assonance . Nice. So is the imagery.

    I have trouble getting the last lines too. I understand first 3 stanzas. I can picture that. But when you get to weather-won trunks, I start my guessing. Is it the trunks of the cane? that boast? Ecosystem below water or ground is working on / referring to cane?

    Sounds like you don't stay with the joy of it; instead, you turn to type your poem? Is that right?

    Todd, what if you clarify those last 4 lines and add another stanza? Yet, I hurry and reposition myself/ in the relative safety. . . and type. . . .

    I've seen buzzards stretch wings after a downpour to dry their wings: amazing! memorable. . . Pat

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