The Last Friday

The Last Friday is a poetry editing group. Once a month, we post a poem and then offer feedback to the other poems on the Forum. We're a friendly but honest group. We value each other deeply and desire for every poet to be published or become famous.


    Is the Persona clear?

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    tsukany

    Posts : 597
    Join date : 2011-05-21

    Is the Persona clear?

    Post  tsukany on Fri Sep 28, 2012 7:01 am

    So, You Don’t Know Me

    I stand before you several times a week,
    where I try to connect our lines of days, open
    the book and press buttons, make allusions
    to events, pictures, memories, set-ups.

    I use humor to make the time pass as
    pleasantly as divinely possible.
    I have a solid idea of where this
    is all going and how it will end. I

    ask several times an encounter, “Trust
    me,” and you are still scouring the walls
    for a window.

    --Sukany 28 Sept 2012

    Pat

    Posts : 635
    Join date : 2011-09-12

    My first reaction

    Post  Pat on Sat Sep 29, 2012 10:14 am

    is liking it. You are the teacher before a classroom of students anxious to leave. . . . and you are doing your best. (I have grand kidlets who are due back any moment from riding horses. . . .and picking persimmons) I am not through looking at your poem. You use run-ons, I notice to link stanzas and lines. . . hmmmm. Would that be like teaching? And students never really know teachers. . . . what about three times a week? name a number whether it is right or wrong, a standard number. Some non-college people may not know how often? 5 for high school. i can see myself as a student and as a teacher here. . . . good job. Pat

    Dewell H. Byrd

    Posts : 360
    Join date : 2012-01-05
    Age : 87
    Location : Central Point, OR

    Is The Persona Clear?

    Post  Dewell H. Byrd on Sun Sep 30, 2012 3:40 pm

    Darn! I had this great response but it dissapeared!

    I like Pat's response. Change the frequency and the persona might be my Minister.

    It suggests that multi methods and media are used to little or no gain... except the persona, self, teacher is witheld and therefore little opportunity for learning-learning can occur. Raises the question, "Whose needs are being met." And I like the form of this poem. Dewell

    Pat

    Posts : 635
    Join date : 2011-09-12

    I like the title. . . . So. . .Know. . . . internal rhyme plus the meaning

    Post  Pat on Mon Oct 01, 2012 10:59 am

    Little flags: 2nd line: where or when? . . . when I work to. . . .? rather than try. . . . I wonder about 2nd stanza divinely possible. . . might be an opportunity for a metaphor (I'm thinking nature here. What do you think?) Another option: I play with knowing where. . . , but wide-open with you on not knowing how it will end. I guess I am surprised sometimes where a lesson will go, though I have a plan when I enter lesson. Does that make sense to you? Your final stanza: great! Pat

    dennis20
    Guest

    persona not clear

    Post  dennis20 on Sat Oct 06, 2012 10:20 am

    Todd,  The first time I read through it I imagined some one in a nursing home or hospital and you were there reading/visiting/sitting with them. Maybe it was a stroke, heart attack, coma.  Maybe because I had just read and responded to Pat's poem.  Anyway, I didn't pickup on the teaching aspect until I looked at Pat's comments.  In the last para is the word "an" encounter or is that suppose to be "and" encounter "trust me"?  And makes more sense to me.  I can see how it would be a teacher of a number of capacities since Dewell mentioned his minister. Could be a parent or grandparent. I think maybe you are giving just enough to make the reader imagine someone of his own liking in that picture.  That is what poets are suppose to do. I think you've done your job here.  Dennis

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