Dewell... SUMMER'S DONE GONE (First Draft)

View previous topic View next topic Go down

Dewell... SUMMER'S DONE GONE (First Draft)

Post  Dewell H. Byrd on Sun Sep 30, 2012 4:32 pm

This poem has been rattling around in my head for years... need help squeezing it into reality. Dewell



SUMMER’S DONE GONE

an’ left Billy Joe sittin’ on th’ back stoop

wonderin’ where to. Evenin’ commin’ on

with lightnin’ bugs winkin’ under that

ol’ magnolia tree near th’ tar swing.



Tomorrow, Tuesday, first day of kinneygarten

an’ they’ll call him William Joseph… spell that.

More handle than a body oughta’ wear.



His glass of Granma’s frash-churn buttermilk

an’ a corner of her cornbread cools th’ day

as heavy boots stomp off clods and riggin’

in th’ tack finds a peg nex’ to chore coats.



Me an’ Molly already learnd him all’s a kid

needs to know ‘bout school an’ stuff.

An’ Spot’s gonna get awful lonesome, too.



Mean ol’ chicken hawk’s tryin’ one las’

swing over th’ coop. Reckon Pa’s gonna

git him good nex’ light. Wind’s pickin’ up,

skeeters are hidin’ out. Bath tonight an’



it ain’t even sattidy yet. He’s gotta be clean,

starched an polished for school. Might be

th’ bus’ill break down, flat tar or sumpin.



Where did that summer go? Seems like

spring plantin’ was jus’ las’ week.

Maybe a nuther glass of buttermilk

will take th’ edge off his school worrin’



Some things a Momma just can’t

wear for a five year old boy.

-Dewell H. Byrd

Dewell H. Byrd

Posts : 321
Join date : 2012-01-05
Age : 86
Location : Central Point, OR

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Dewell, I'm blown away with your ability

Post  Pat on Mon Oct 01, 2012 11:14 am

to write in this dialect. I feel totally inept to help you. It's musical, it's about the summer being gone, all this as seen through Mama's eyes. What might help me: I stumbled over line 2, something about: where to. Maybe I wasn't into the dialect yet. You present a way of life here. . . loneliness for a boy about to take on another world, colorful, descriptive. I think of Momma as being more city spelling; Mama, as country. Not sure that's right though. My mama spelled her mother's name Mama, not that that means a thing. : ) Both country women. . . I love the buttermilk line. Pat

Pat

Posts : 564
Join date : 2011-09-12

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Dewell...I apologize

Post  tsukany on Sat Oct 06, 2012 6:45 am

Dewell...I thought I had replied already. Sorry and thanks for the reminder.

I want more dialect...in fact, I would shoot for only dialect and the persona be Billy Joe. For example:

Tamarra's Tuesday, first day of kinny garden
an’ they’ll prolly call me William Joseph… Ma says "spellin' that's
more handle 'na body oughta’ wear, Billy Joe."

Fun poem!
avatar
tsukany

Posts : 532
Join date : 2011-05-21

View user profile

Back to top Go down

summer's done gone

Post  dennis20 on Sat Oct 06, 2012 10:03 am

Dewell,  I like it and can relate in more ways than one.  I was not as sure as Pat as to the author. The line "Me and Molly" left me to think it was a third party writing about Pa, Molly, Billy Joe, Spot, and Momma (I think Ma here would fit better). Maybe a sister would be my thought since they were knowledgeable about the things he needed in school. I might point out he would need to be six, not five, to go to school at the time this would take place.  Modern times don't seem proper for the setting here. This would be in a bygone era.  It also appears Southern so I think back step rather than stoop which is more of a Northern term.  Just a thought as I reread what you have written, you could have two poems here. One about Billy Joe and one more about summer.  Pa and the hawk seems to lead me away from the main subject of Billy Joe and back to more of what the title led me to think the poem was about. Dennis

dennis20
Guest


Back to top Go down

Re: Dewell... SUMMER'S DONE GONE (First Draft)

Post  Sponsored content


Sponsored content


Back to top Go down

View previous topic View next topic Back to top

- Similar topics

 
Permissions in this forum:
You cannot reply to topics in this forum