Chiropractor

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Chiropractor

Post  Dennis20 on Wed Dec 05, 2012 4:49 pm

 

Chiropractor 

 

His eye detects the lean

and list of head and hips

before he rips smudged paper

from the couch where

the previous patient has been.

 

His is the concert pianist

who approaches his passion;

and as he addresses the body

in front of him, 

his fingers nimbly fly

over the spine sensing

only the sore spots.

 

His warm-up exercise finds

ivory and each note

trembles and vibrates

as ebb and flow turns

to ooh and aah.   He nods in rhythm

as he practices his craft.  

Manipulation

moves to bone crunching

crescendo and a crooked spine

is rightly aligned. A smile

and he steps back from the music.

 

Dennis20
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Chiropractor poem (Dennis)

Post  Dewell H. Byrd on Thu Dec 06, 2012 11:32 am

You have a fine poem here, Dennis. I like the way it moves... ripping the paper off... fingers playing the tune of the body... You might delete "only" since the Doc plays the entire spine... and I wanted him to step back from the instrument, not the music... GOOD WORK, FRIEND. Dewell

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Thanks for the ideas

Post  dennis20 on Thu Dec 06, 2012 4:50 pm

Thanks Dewell.  I forgot to ask for thoughts but you came through.  I had meant to leave "only" out but forgot to omit it on this draft.  I wanted the pic to be of the Doc as intense as the pianist. Mine usually is.   

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Chiropractor poem

Post  Pat on Fri Dec 07, 2012 10:23 am

Dennis, your chiropractor has learned how to play and listen. Mine too. : )

Here's what I see: Nice alliteration in first 2 lines. A couch and not a cushiony table? 1st stanza: has been (to be verbs don't say much to me.)or has lain/rested?

I wondered in 2nd stanza: His? His what? Why not say He? You have a semicolon, so do you really need and? I'd drop and only.

Third stanza: consider: ivories (plural) (don't know if I'm spelling that right or not. .. . looks funny. : ) Maybe drop and then dash? Maybe add a bone-crunching crescendo, realigning a crooked spine. A little smile/ before he steps. . . .

A fine poem here. . . . still, I'd tweek it a little. Perfect title.

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Great Fun

Post  tsukany on Sat Dec 08, 2012 8:48 am

Images are crystal clear. I did get a bit slowed down in stanza two but nothing major. I think this needs to be published soon. Send it out...send it out. Todd
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How does this look?

Post  dennis20 on Sat Dec 08, 2012 4:42 pm

Chiropractor



His eye detects the lean
and list of head and hips
before he rips smudged paper
from the couch where
the previous patient departed.

Like the concert pianist
who approaches his passion,
he addresses the body
in front of him,
fingers nimbly fly
over the spine sensing
sore spots.

Warm-up exercises find
ivory and each note
trembles and vibrates
as ebb and flow turns
to ooh and aah. He nods in rhythm
as he practices his craft.

Manipulation
moves to bone crunching
crescendo as a crooked spine
is rightly aligned. A smile,
and he steps back from the music.

dennis20
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Chiropractor, the pianist

Post  Pat on Sun Dec 09, 2012 8:57 am

:cheers:Looks GREAT! It has a Kooser touch. . . . I like it! Pat

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