The Last Friday

The Last Friday is a poetry editing group. Once a month, we post a poem and then offer feedback to the other poems on the Forum. We're a friendly but honest group. We value each other deeply and desire for every poet to be published or become famous.

    Are the images connecting?


    Posts : 619
    Join date : 2011-05-21

    Are the images connecting?

    Post  tsukany on Thu Feb 21, 2013 7:11 pm

    “…we have piped for you and you have not danced….” Mt 11:17

    Why, I wonder, would you want to play the funeral dirge?
    because it’s raining ice pellets as winter offers
    its death rattle for this year and here you sit alone
    because of scary roads? or because fifteen years ago,

    Miss Dimples, in fifth grade, sang the same song you hear today
    because of another rattle that shook her soul and she lashed out
    at you as you dropped your stupid pencil once more, stupid girl
    who will never get past this moment? or maybe you hold open

    a wet umbrella inside your soul
    keeping the light from directly contacting you?

    --Sukany 21 Feb 2013


    connecting images

    Post  dennis20 on Fri Feb 22, 2013 11:16 am

    Because the future is unknown, we base future upon past history and try to predict what will happen.  Sometimes history doesn't work, but because we are fickle we keep doing it.  Sometimes our whole future is shaped by one bad experience or something we heard or saw as a child.  I think you have connected the dots well and people would be able to see themselves in what you have said. I like where you name "Miss Dimples"  because we all have that one unique time, place, person, thing that we can attribute our "whatever" to when we say, "I believe this because..."  The wet umbrella is particularly powerful because our first image of an umbrella is black and thus loudly cries darkness and not just shade.  BTW  (by the way)    The Bible verse has the connotation of fickle, in that the people weren't satisfied with John who came as an oddity (prophet) or Jesus who came doing all the things everybody else did. I like the ice pellets and saw them yesterday here.  Good poem.

    Dewell H. Byrd

    Posts : 374
    Join date : 2012-01-05
    Age : 87
    Location : Central Point, OR

    Children Of This Generation

    Post  Dewell H. Byrd on Fri Feb 22, 2013 6:25 pm

    Todd, You definitely hit me in a memory spot, "...Dewell you know very well the sun does not set in the east!" And dumb Dewell, grade four, thought it set 360 degrees! And nobody dared argue with Miss Iota. Back to the poem: each time I read it I find it more encompassing, vastly opening. Children, generation of all societies, religions. I especially like the black umbrella and think we each have more than one. And how we lable the person when we mean to lable the action. I have no changes to suggest... perhaps after I read it a few more times... Dewell


    Posts : 671
    Join date : 2011-09-12

    My thoughts on your poem:

    Post  Pat on Fri Mar 01, 2013 8:48 pm

    Good job on making connections of present to past. Rattle and funeral song: perfect. Miss Dimples: her name! Hilarious and ironic, of course. And the soul of Miss Dimple was shaken/scared her/ she reacted and the girl caught it; Soul twice: once shaken; then protected soul. Protected from the light! Oh my! This is deep without your being preachy. We human beings do protect ourselves, even from the light, the healing of traumas. No changes, thank you very much. Of course, I saw a black umbrella too. Wet carries into second stanza though. Nice, Todd. Looks like we all understood what you were saying and appreciate how you said it. This may be one of your best poems. It grabbed all of us. Thanks for sharing it. . . . Pat

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