Is there enough to see both seasons?

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Is there enough to see both seasons?

Post  Dennis20 on Fri Feb 22, 2013 10:20 am

Etch-A-Sketch


 


In this late February cold


infant chlorophyll peeks


from under wet, brown leaves.


 


An infant wind moans


waiting to be born, to cry


loud and long in March.


 


A frosty song ebbs


on the radio, droning


whippets of cold


 


in ear phones


as walkers and joggers


break out of doldrums.


 


The sky is an ocean


of clouds rumpled


like hanging laundry


 


with blue construction


paper spaced behind


in slivers of sunshine.


 


Nature’s etch-a-sketch,


all week, draw, add, erase,


draw, add, erase, draw...

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Seasons

Post  tsukany on Fri Feb 22, 2013 3:06 pm

Dennis...it seems that there is more to this poem than two seasons; therefore, I didn't look for them. I see the seasons in the green shoots and runners against a storm. I have other notes below in a less, spaced version. Smile

Etch-A-Sketch

In this late February cold
infant chlorophyll peeks
from under wet, brown leaves.

An infant wind moans (I was distracted by the repeating of "infant")
waiting to be born, to cry
loud and long in March.

A frosty song ebbs (I like "droning" here and another verb to replace it below)
on the radio, droning
whippets of cold

in ear phones (not sure people are a part of seasons--radio image on down)
as walkers and joggers
breakout of doldrums. (I like "breakout" as one word)

The sky is an ocean (This full sentence is my favorite image)
of clouds rumpled
like hanging laundry (I didn't get an image consistent with the title)

with blue construction
paper spaced behind
in slivers of sunshine.

Nature’s etch-a-sketch,
all week, draw, add, erase, (Colon after "week"? I like "shaken" to reference the storm of the second stanza)
draw, add, erase, draw...
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Etch-A-Sketch... Dennis's poem

Post  Dewell H. Byrd on Fri Feb 22, 2013 6:08 pm

I see the two seasons... one present and one emerging... Maybe leave out the people stanza and let the two seasons prevail. Infant/infant tripped me up. "Whippets,"... I love that word in this cold context... This etch-a-sketch is well done in the Feb...Mar struggle of nature. Good job. Keep honeing. Dewell

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painting images

Post  dennis20 on Fri Feb 22, 2013 7:26 pm

I felt like I was overdoing it on "infant" but couldn't help myself.  I wish I could have come up with shaken for the etch-a-sketch.  I knew what you did with the thing but came up short on discription.  I was trying to emphasize the windy times with the laundry hanging.  I could have used billows and probably should have in that pic.  Thank you and Dewell for the input. 

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Dennis' poem Etch-a-Sketch

Post  Pat on Fri Mar 01, 2013 8:13 pm

Yes, I can see seasons. Enough said about infant, but that is a great adjective meaning early. I can almost feel the cold as I read your poem: whippets of cold; frosty song; wind. Like Dewell, I really don't think you need the people stanza. I think it distracts from all the nature and coldness and Feb/March anyway. I struggle with the title: I think it's more about the Prelude or Foreshadowing to what's coming. I don't see an etch-a-sketch if we are talking about the toy children draw with, then erase in one fell-swoop. I feel dumb about asking this, but what if you did not keep the last stanza (which seems like a summation)? Then, I would be right there with you enjoying the ocean sky. "slivers of sunshine" . . . . good. Pat

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Etch-a-sketch

Post  dennis20 on Sat Mar 02, 2013 9:36 am

Thanks Pat for the input.  I likened it to the etch-a-sketch because each day when I get up and look out there is something added to what was there yesterday. It seems as if it is erased (shaken as Todd pointed out) and a new image with added elements that appears miraculously with the dawn and it happens day after day.  BTW today it is spitting snow.  March? Makes you wonder.

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