A Day To Count Gray Whales

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A Day To Count Gray Whales

Post  Dewell H. Byrd on Fri Feb 22, 2013 5:56 pm

This is a rewrite. I've taken out the puncuation, softened some images, and hopefully made it smoother... more pleasing to the reader. Is there some music to this piece? Dewell



A Day To Count Gray Whales

Bluff leans out

windswept willows

cling to the edge



A dark carpet

sponges under foot

greens as spring beckons



Clam Beach sprawls

soft linen

beyond the river



Seastacks

cormorants

wind and water



Crab boats bob

gulls wheel in the wind

children chase plovers

Dewell H. Byrd

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Only one thing jumped out

Post  tsukany on Fri Feb 22, 2013 6:57 pm

Dewell...I like the images and the delivery. At times I wanted it to
read smoother (articles and preps that were omitted). The place I
stopped was the third line of stanza two. I might suggest: as spring
beckons green. Did I miss a connection to whales in the body of the
poem?

A Day To Count Gray Whales

Bluff leans out
windswept willows
cling to the edge

A dark carpet
sponges under foot
greens as spring beckons

Clam Beach sprawls
soft linen
beyond the river

Seastacks
cormorants
wind and water

Crab boats bob
gulls wheel in the wind
children chase plovers
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Gray whale watching

Post  Dennis20 on Fri Feb 22, 2013 7:42 pm

Dewell,  I had to read thru it a couple of times and I do miss the articles and preps that Todd mentioned.  I like brevity and don't tend to like prosey poetry but this is more like Haiku.  I am assuming that the title would have something to do with a certain time of the year in a particular area and guess all these things happening together would define that day. The more I read it, the clearer the pics become.   

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Dewell, the images here

Post  Pat on Fri Mar 01, 2013 7:45 pm

are great. 5 stanzas, each with one or more images. Form: short lines, skinny poem. Near or on the ocean. All, perhaps in one area. In Hawaii, they have whale counting days. I bet you know about such things since you've lived very near the Pacific. All the images fit an oceanic location, seems to me. I know about haystacks so I can image seastacks. : ) I like the word. What you see? and hear? I looked up your bird word: I have never seen a comorant. I imagine this poem is full of your world in Oregon or the one in Eureka, CA. Nice. I agree with Todd on spring beckons green. Fits better for me. Title tells me it is in or near an ocean, beyond the river. This is like the New Edge poetry. . .. I read it in Poetry and a couple of poets published by Copper Canyon write like this. . . this is more lean than I'm use to, but the more I read it, the better I like it. (like being at the beach!!!) It is soooo skinny that it's easy to reread!

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